#i feel like she names them after people she cares about

[rikstellar]

WALLFLOWER — (nrk x reader)

summary : in which you seem to be invisible to everyone, but not to him.

featuring : jungwon and sunoo from enhypen

cw : popular!riki x outcast!fem reader, angst, fluff, kissing

wc : 3.5k

nene’s note : this fic is inspired by twice’s wallflower !! pls reblog and tell me what you think of it !

“y/n? oh, you mean mina’s friend!”

“who’s y/n? the one who hangs out with nayoung and her friends?”

“i’m gonna ask the girl from jules’ class for help”

that’s all you ever were to people. someone’s friend, the one you can ask for help when you can’t figure your homework out. you lived in your friends’ shadows all the time, getting outshined every single day of your life. it was like you were invisible to everyone, as if you were a ghost desperately looking for someone who could see you. but that was never the case.

it’s not like your ‘friends’ paid that much attention to you either, they kept you around because you were kind enough to help them study whenever a big exam was coming. you weren’t oblivious to this treatment, in fact, you knew you didn’t deserve it. but the fear of being completely alone couldn’t let you walk away from them. but that loneliness, that emptiness within you never faded away, not even when you were surrounded by people. you spent most of your time with your nose stuck in a book, studying and studying for hours just to get distracted from those feelings inside you.

you wished someone could see you, get to know you, care about you. but you were sure that if you ever disappeared, no one would notice.

someone would notice, though.

that someone was nishimura riki. golden boy of the school, he was so skilled in every sport that multiple teams fought to have him in their group. he was friendly with everyone, boxy smile always showing whenever he met someone he talked with, even just one time, in the hallways. people absolutely adored him, always seeking his attention. he was everything you dreamed to be.

you didn’t know why, but he always greeted you with a smile whenever you crossed paths with him. you two didn’t even talk once, but he never lost the opportunity to flash you a grin whenever his eyes met yours. he was like that with everyone, you thought, probably because he pitied you. you thought it was a facade, he was popular, after all. he had a reputation to maintain. you disliked him for that reason, maybe it was just envy, but you just couldn’t stand seeing him surrounded by people all the time, while you lived in everyone’s shadow.

the bell rang, indicating the end of biology class. you were following mina and jules out of the classroom, when the teacher called out your name, gesturing you to stay. you turned to tell your two friends that you would stay behind and that you would see them later, but they were laughing between them, not even noticing you weren’t behind them anymore. you pressed your lips in a thin line, unfazed by the behavior since it happened so many times before. yet, it hurt every. single. time.

you pushed those thoughts aside, walking to the teacher who was waiting for you with a big smile. you liked her, she was always kind, always making time for her students whenever they were struggling. and that was exactly the reason why she called you.

“hi, y/n. sorry for keeping you behind, but i’d like to ask you a favor. there’s this student who’s failing biology and i was wondering if you could, perhaps, help them? if they fail it, they won’t be able to participate in next month’s tournament. do you think you could do it?” she explained, her voice soft and sweet as always.

you listen to her words carefully, smiling at her while you accepted her request. you weren’t so thrilled about it, since you knew it wasn’t going to be different from all the times you had ‘helped’ other students. they showed up, pretended to be interested just to make up an excuse and make you do all of their homework for them. but the teacher also promised you an extra credit, so you decided to comply anyway.

she told you to be at the school’s library on tuesdays and thursdays, from 4 to 6, and that she would notify the student for you.

so there you were, sitting at a library table, waiting for this mystery student to show up. it was already half past four, so you assumed that they wouldn’t even show up. you started gathering your things to leave, when you heard someone run behind you. you turned around to see who it was, just to find yourself face to face with nishimura riki. people glared at him while telling him to be silent, causing him to smile apologetically and bowing to them.

“i’m so sorry! practice ran late so i rushed here as fast i could, i’m glad you’re still here! you’re y/n, right? you should be the one helping me with biology” he explained, keeping his voice low to avoid getting scolded again by the students nearby.

on the other hand, you couldn’t believe your eyes. the boy you despised the most was in front of you, big smile as he looked down at you. the fact that he looked so pretty pissed you off even more.

“uh, don’t worry about it.” you simply said, uncomfortably shifting on your seat while he took the one right next to you. you took the book from your backpack and carefully placed it on the table, opening it on the page of the first chapter. you looked over at him for an instant, finding him with his own book open at the same page, waiting for you to say something.

“listen, i know you probably wanna be somewhere else, so i’ll spare you the trouble and bring you the homework done by tomor—” you were cut off by him, a confused expression displayed on his face. “what do you mean? i’m not gonna make you do my homework.” his eyebrows were furrowed, as if you were speaking nonsense. “i’d like some help to understand some of the topics, actually.” he said, his tone was soft, yet it seemed like he was bothered by what you said. did someone treat you like that before?

“oh.” that’s all you could say. you were feeling guilty for assuming his intentions, you were just so used to it.

there was an awkward silence for a brief moment, before riki took the matter into his own hands and started asking you questions about some concepts he hadn’t grasped before. you replied to them calmly, taking your time to repeat yourself or reformulate your sentences if he couldn’t understand them. during the whole time, he never once lost his focus, always looking at you attentively and, from time to time, praising your explanation skills, blabbering about how the book made everything look harder than it actually was.

having his eyes constantly on you made you feel a little overwhelmed, not being used to having so much attention on you. you felt… seen. it was awkward at first, but you couldn’t help but like it.

you reminded yourself that he was just being nice because you were helping him, not because he was actually interested in you.

the little tutoring session came to an end, faster than you thought, so you found yourself gathering your belongings to leave. riki did the same thing, casually greeting some of his friends while he walked with you towards the exit.

it was already dark outside, the days becoming shorter and shorter as the colder seasons approached. before you could excuse yourself to catch the bus, riki spoke. “um, you usually take the 6:30pm bus, right?” he asked, scratching his nape while he looked for your eyes, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. you wondered how he knew which bus you took, but decided to not mull over it too much. you nodded, tilting your head to the side as if you were asking where he was trying to get at with his question. “it’s still early, i can’t leave you here, alone in the dark. do you mind if i wait with you?” saying that you were surprised by those words was an understatement. you could feel warmth creeping up your neck, you never really spent time with boys outside of tutoring, let alone spoke to them for this long. “uh.. sure” you replied, your voice low and timid. you think you will never forget the smile riki gave you that night.

you walked around with him, listening to him complain about how his coach threatened him to not let him play at the tournament if he didn’t pass biology, and how glad he was you were there to help him. he also asked you lots of question, such as your favorite subjects, what you did in your free time, whether you put cereals first and then milk or vice versa. and it wasn’t just to avoid awkward silence, he truly cared about your answers, even going on a long rant about how putting cereals after milk was nonsense and how inconvenient it was.

before you could realize, it was already time for you to catch the bus. he walked you to the stop and waited for you to get safely on the bus, waving his hand while grinning widely at you. he didn’t leave until he saw the bus driving away, which made you feel like he cared about your safety, but you convinced yourself you were overthinking it.

once in your bed, you stared at the ceiling, replaying the afternoon you spent with the boy you disliked so much — in vain, you thought — and how your heart started beating slightly faster when you got a message from him asking if you got home safely. you mentally slapped yourself, you couldn’t start to have feelings for a boy who was pitying you. still, you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of his stupid jokes and silly behavior, the memory of his laugh lulling you to sleep.

the next day, you were sitting alone at the cafeteria since your friends collectively decided to skip school without letting you know. you were used to it anyway, it’s not like you talked to them when you were in their company, you just limited yourself to listening to them brag about whoever they were dating at that moment or about some new gossip that was circulating around, while keeping to yourself.

that’s why you were startled when riki showed up with two of his friends, who you recognised to be sunoo and jungwon. they were also pretty popular, sunoo being a social butterfly and jungwon being part of the student council.

“mind if we sit here?” riki asked with his usual smile, waiting for you to agree before eventually sitting next to you, while the other two guys sat in front of you. you were still kind of taken aback from this situation, but you were snapped out of your thoughts by riki resting his hand on your shoulder.

“this is y/n! y/n, they’re sunoo and jungwon. they’re good guys, so feel free to be yourself around them” he explained, introducing you to his friends. you wanted to focus on the two boys sitting in front of you and politely greet them, but you could only feel riki’s hand on you, making your heart pound against your ribs.

“nice to meet you! — sunoo spoke, his voice lively and sweet — so you’re the famous y/n, huh? riki talks about you a lo—” he suddenly stopped, an ‘ouch’ escaping his lips as he massaged his leg. riki immediately grabbed your attention: “what he was saying is that i told them you were tutoring me and how well you explain things!” you missed the way he shot sunoo a glare before grinning at you.

jungwon, in the meantime, was snickering while eating his lunch, throwing a playful glance at riki with a smirk on his lips.

you weren’t exactly understanding what was happening, given that you were still confused by the sudden company and the fact that riki talked about you to his friends. it was probably because you could help them in the future, wasn’t it?

you had a great time during lunch, sunoo excitedly telling you about the new drama play he would star in next month and jungwon occasionally asking you questions about you. the awkwardness in you faded the more you spent time with the boys, breaking out of your shell and telling them stories of your childhood. riki was looking at you with a fond smile the entire time, head resting on his fist, thinking how nice was watching you finally open up and get along with his friends.

time flew once again, the bell that signaled the end of lunch break ringing in the cafeteria. you had learned to have a lesson in the classroom right next to sunoo’s, so you waved bye to riki and jungwon and made your way to class with the bubbly boy.

you had never felt this good before, it felt like a weight was lifted off your chest, loneliness being replaced by a nice feeling. this is what having someone caring about you meant? you wondered how you endured being alone until then, finally knowing what it felt to be seen.

you spent the whole time, thinking about the boy you were tutoring, catching yourself dumbly smiling at the thought of him. you needed a reality check, because in no way he was going to feel the same about you. so, with a sigh, you drifted your thoughts from riki to the teacher and his lesson.

weeks passed, your study dates with riki allowed you to become closer and closer to the boy. you started opening up more, laughing and making jokes with him, telling him about embarrassing moments from middle school and so on. you started seeing him outside of tutoring sessions as well, inviting you to have lunch with him, sunoo and jungwon more often, asking you to try a new cafe that opened in town with them.

you eventually fell for him, feeling nervous every time he stood too close to you or blushing when you caught him staring at you. you knew it was one sided, trying your hardest to not delude yourself and end up with a broken heart and alone all over again. you cherished his company more than anything in the world, so you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

you were walking to your locker when you heard your name being shouted by a voice you recognized in no time. you turned around, finding riki standing in front of you with a paper in his hand, encouraging you to take it. you looked at it and saw a 75/100 on his biology test. your eyes widened as much as your smile, looking up at him. “oh my god, riki! you passed!” you said, genuinely happy for the boy in front of you. he worked hard and definitely deserved the grade, you also felt a little proud of yourself at the same time. “yes! it’s all thanks to you!” he engulfed you in his arms, holding you close to his body for a second longer than he should. your face was completely red once he let go of you, you prayed for him to be too excited to notice how that brief — even though for you seemed like it lasted for hours — contact affected you.

“so..” you started speaking, to recompose yourself. “no more tutoring sessions, huh?” you asked, disappointment could be easily found in your tone.

“hm.. about that.” riki said, looking a little nervous for some reasons you couldn’t quite tell. “are you going to prom, this weekend?” he asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes while he looked down at you.

“no, i don’t think so.” you replied almost instantly. was he going to ask you out for prom? no, impossible.

“would you like t—” he couldn’t finish his sentence, that a girl tapped him on his shoulder, completely ignoring your presence or the fact that he was talking to you.

“hi riki.. i was wondering if you.. if you wanted to go to prom with me.” she asked, her pretty, long lashes batting quickly as she smiled at him, waiting for his answer.

“oh, thank you but i was going to ask someone else to go with me,” riki politely declined, obtaining a scoff in response. he shrugged his shoulders and turned back to where you were standing, only to see that you had disappeared.

you left the moment you heard the girl’s question, tears brimming in your eyes as you felt like a fool, thinking that he could ever have feelings for you. that day, you left school early, running to your house and shutting yourself in your room. you cried every tear you had within yourself.

riki had tried to reach out to you countless times, sending you lots of texts, even calling you endless times. but you ignored every one of them. you shouldn’t have gotten closer to the boy, you shouldn’t have fallen for him and you shouldn’t have hoped that he could, somehow, feel the same towards you.

it was prom night, you were on your couch, watching some old romcom filled with cliches and cringy lines, but that made you tear up everytime nonetheless.

suddenly, you heard a knock on your door. you wondered who could possibly be at that hour of a saturday night.

you opened the door, finding riki in formal attire, hair slicked back and a huge bouquet of purple flowers — which you remembered telling him was your favorite color.

“riki?” you called softly, closing the door behind you and looking at him with a confused expression. your heart skipped a beat when you saw him — he looked absolutely gorgeous, he looked like he’d stepped out a fairy tail.

“y/n..” he spoke, his voice carrying a mix of nerves and determination. “i tried contacting you, but you weren’t replying. i wanted to ask you to prom, but since it’s too late, i thought about bringing prom to you.” a shy smile tugged at his full lips as he pronounced those words.

you stared at him, speechless. he wanted to go to prom with you? and when he couldn’t reach you, he came all the way to your house, just to make it happen? it felt like a dream, too good and too sweet to be true.

noticing your surprise, riki carefully set the bouquet on the ground. then, he took your hand in his, warmth spreading all over your face.

“dance with me,” he whispered, his voice soft and filled with hope.

without waiting for your reply, he led you closer to him, his free hand settling on your waist, while with his other hand, he fumbled awkwardly with his phone, tongue poking out as he tried to play a slow song for you two to dance to.

the sight made you giggle, finding endearing how clumsy he was.

you looped your arms around his neck, gazing up at him as you swayed together. the world seemed to fall away — there was only the two of you, the soft music, and the steady rhythm of your movements.

he held your gaze the entire time, his lovesick smile resting on his pretty lips — the ones you couldn’t help but glance at more times than you cared to admit.

as the song came to an end, the world seemed to slow down around the two of you. he rested his forehead gently against yours, his warm breath fanning across your face as he took both of your hands in his, holding them like they were going to break if he applied to much force.

“y/n..” he began, his voice soft and steady, though you could sense the nervousness beneath it. “i like you. i’ve liked you for so long, i couldn’t resist keeping it to myself anymore.” he whispered, waiting for any reaction on your part.

tears welled up in your eyes and before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. riki stiffened for a moment, his hand lingering on your back before holding you closer.

“i like you too, riki. so much, i can’t believe you actually feel the same” a soft laugh escaped his lips, filled with relief and happiness. he brought one of his hands to your cheek, delicately caressing your skin. “can i be your boyfriend, then?” he asked, his lips curling up into a shy smile as he bit down his lower lip to keep it from spreading too much.

you didn’t answer his question with words. instead, you leaned in, catching his lips in a passionate yet slow kiss. his hand on your cheek moved down to your neck, while his other hand rested on your waist.

at that moment, it felt as if you were touching the sky with a finger. you felt loved in a way that warmed every layer of your heart, cared for in a way that melted every lingering doubt. but, most importantly, you felt seen — truly seen — for the first time.

[jadelover69]

PRESENTING... YUMI WOODS!! (again)

(i started this in Dec 17, 2024 😭💔 || dividers by @.kodasworld and @.dollywons)

(took layout inspo from @.viperbunnies, @.angelwishess, and @.theolivetree123 oc intros!! TYSM HEHE)

The bubbly and outgoing prefect of Ramshackle. Looked down upon by her peers for her talkative nature, something she does not pick up on but wishes to fix.

₊˚⊹♡BASIC INFO

Name: Yumi Woods Nicknames: Pompom Crabbie (Fl*yd) , Mademoiselle Maîtresse (Rook), Henchman (Grim...), Dearest, Dear (Jade!!! 😻😻😻😻) Nicknames for others: Idiot/Sewer Rat, (Ace), CayCay (Cater), Muffin Man (Trey), Babe, Mama (JADE!!!! 😍😍😻😻😻🥰🥰🥰) Character Inspirations/Characters she’s twisted from: Mabel Pines (biggest inspiration) Pinkie Pie, Maddie Hatter Age: 16 Height: 182.88 cm (aka 6,0 LMAOO) Dominant Hand: Right Gender: Demi-girl (she/they) Orientation: Pansexual Birthday: August 24, Favorite Food: Skittles Least Favorite Food: Bacon Grade/Class: Freshmen or Class 1-A Dorm: Ramshackle Favorite/Best Subject: Astrology Homeland: ???

Dislikes: stereotypes, sour candy, the Dark Mirror, Crowley, her MULTIPLE crushes and one ex Likes: kaomojis, mermaids, pigs, romamce novels/movies, ziplining, grappling hooks, climbing,

Voicelaims: (❥•THESE ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE!!) ENG - Aiura Mikoto (TDLOSK) JAP - Amy Rose (Sonic Adventure 2)

₊˚⊹♡PERSONALITY

A very bubbly girl in her own world. Extremely fascinated by all thngs love even considering herself to be a good matchmaker (not that many can confirm that statement...)!

However she develops crushes very quickly. Which is heavily tied into that inferiority complex you mentioned in regards to her brother.

She felt neglected and less important, so she overcompensates and imagines all of these people, some of whom she barely even knows, could potentially like her, as a way to try to get that affection she longs for.

Ohhhh....and I can see her parents' divorce playing into the fact she seems to develop crushes and then drop them so quickly.

(credits to @moonyasnow beacsue WOOWOWO)

₊˚⊹♡APPEARANCE

A tall and lanky dark skinned girl with a high ponytail and dark brown hair.

Brown eyes with one having a star that emotes her specific emotions.

Colorful makeup, usuallly wearing pasty pink lipgloss.

₊˚⊹♡BACKGROUND / LORE

She was born to a ’happy’ couple in California with her twin brother, Malcolm. Over the years she and Malcolm grew apart, him growing smarter and Yumi getting ’dumber’. Sure she had friends and he didn’t but... what good would that do her? And of course due to his intelligence her parents cwred more about him, fostering a growing inferiority complex deep in her. She grew tired over this and one night she decided to go out with two friends, which they dared her to search through one of her grandaunts office and get a box of t-shirts. Searching through her (grand)aunts office she found a mirror seemingly bland but she was drawn towards it. It was covered with triangle patterns she couldn’t help but fawn over. She found the way it made her inch closer, magnetic in a way if she thought about it more. The mirror becomes to glow dimly until its grows brighter and brighter blinding her and she falls(?) into the mirror.

₊˚⊹♡RELATIONSHIPS (wippp)

MOST NOTABLE

Jade♥︎: IN LOVE...? || She’s SO DOWN BAD for him, which he knows and finds amusing. In no world would he ever reciprocate her feelings though. Only until after Book 6, he entertained the idea of being in love with her, her being kidnapped surprisingly shook him up in the long run.

Azul: SIBBLINGSSSSS!!!!! || During Book 3, they at first didn’t think much of eachother, Azul thinking she was annoying and Yumi thinking him as rude. But as their relationship progresses they care for eachither more and more. They adore eachother and wish that the other gets what they want in life.

Sam: THAT ONE UNCLE || They first OFFICIALLY met during Book 2, Yumi stuffing candy into a shopping bag and him convincing her to buy a grappling hook. After that interaction she kept coming back into the shop and he kept convincing her to spend money on candy.

Ace, Deuce, and Grim: ’UNRELUCTANT’ FRIENDS... || At first they didn’t care much about eachother often fighting and berating eachother. However they grew closer after almost DYING together multiple times. They can’t help but wish Yumi grows a stronger skin though.

જ⁀➴GALLERY

(aka art/writing/stuff of her!!)

TAGS:

general tag - #yumi woods

oc x canon GENERAL tag - #*ੈ✩‧₊˚starshroom𓋼𓍊𓋼

oc x canon ART tag - #🛼rollerskating mushroom🍄

₊˚⊹♡EVENT CARDS

THE GOLDEN FROST FESTIVAL

CHEERFORNRC

₊˚⊹♡ART MADE BY OTHERS

SHES SO CUTE KYAAAAAA TY TY FOR DRAIWNG HER IT MEANS A LOTTT

(both made by @.haeoflii)

(left made by @.liyuviq and right made by @.mhedusard)

(left made by @.blood-red-hummingbee and right by @.the-rini-rush)

(both by @.ghostiidasponk)

(left by @.ghostiidasponk and right by @.viperbunnies)

(both by @.anonymousplant)

(left by @.anonymousplant and right by MY TWIN @.shinysparklesapphires)

(left by @.viperbunnies and right by @.teighveepao)

(there WILL be a part two of the gallery 😭)

+transparents

[y1ling-laozu]

Trollhunter Claire except there is a misunderstanding and the antagonists still think Jim is the trollhunter

•

Strickler, after seeing the amulet on Jim’s bag: 😨

Jim who retrieved the amulet from the teacher's office after coach Lawrence took it from Claire during P.E. because he wants an excuse to talk to his crush: Bye Mr. Strickler 😊

•

Bular, seeing Claire in armor and being confused for 0.2 seconds because he was told that the trollhunter was a boy and that looks like a girl but also humans are weird and he can't bring himself to care about them and their gender:

Bular: JIM LAKE JUNIOR

Claire being so confused about this BEAST suddenly yelling what she's pretty sure is the name of one of her classmates that she forgets to keep running for her life: Huh??

Blinky: young lady Claire, if you care about your life even one bit, PLEASE KEEP RUNNING

•

Claire being smart and hiding her face while breaking into the museum so that nobody is able to see her, so no one knows that she's the trollhunter yet.

Nomura, finally getting away from the goblins and immediately seeing Jim and Toby walking on the street: THIEVES!!!!!

Jim and Toby: Where? 😮

Jim and Toby:

Jim and Toby: US???

(They still get the police called on them and Jim gets grounded because Barbara thinks that not only did he break the law, he is also lying to her face)

•

Claire after confirming for 13735468656th time that Jim isn’t a changeling: Why does Bular know his name???

•

NotEnrique, seeing Claire with the amulet, knowing damn well that's not fucking Jim Lake jr: Well, that’s going to be a problem.

NotEnrique: Not mine to deal with though, I wonder how long it will take them to realize that she is the trollhunter.

•

Jim: *sigh* another dull birthday.

-15 minutes later-

The Stalkling:

Jim: WHAT THE FUCK IS THATTTT????

•

Claire after Bular called her young Atlas, knowing that Strickler calls Jim that, and now realizing that A. Strickler is a changeling and B. They think Jim is the trollhunter: 😧

Bular, who still thinks this is Jim Lake jr, assuming that her reaction was only the realization of Strickler being a changeling: nailed it.

•

Strickler: I know.

Jim: You know what...?

Strickler: I know you know.

Jim: What??

Strickler: You didn't know I knew, but now you know. I know.

Jim: ???

•

Jim: Mom I don't like him, you should stop seeing him, he freaks me out.

Barbara turning and walking away: Jim I really expected better from you, I'm disappointed.

Jim: Mom he was mean to me every time you left the table 🙁

Barbara immediately turning back to Jim: he was WHAT

•

Strickler, after Barbara almost fought him, threatened to take his spleen?? And made him apologize to Jim for making him feel threatened: Well played trollhunter, well played...

Jim: Hm?

Strickler: Nothing, Young Atlas, nothing at all...

Jim: Okay...

•

I just think it would be really funny (read: devastating) if Jim always suffered because of the trollhunter mantle even when he has NOTHING to do with it 😭

Also Claire is a very protective character, so realizing that someone else has been getting hurt because of something related to her would ve devastating for her

What do you mean Jim has been getting hurt because people thought he was Claire? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER AMAZING SWEET ROMEO ALMOST DIED DURING HIS BIRTHDAY BECAUSE SOMEONE SENT HIM A STALKLING THINKING HE WAS CLAIRE???

I think it would actually break her heart with guilt, especially after realizing she has feelings for him

[wandixx]

GIW made a lot of mistakes and the biggest one was going against Young Justice part 2

part one is here

@whimsicalchaosgarden you asked to be tagged, sorry it took so long

Trigger warnings: mentions of experimentation and dehumanization (tell me if there is more appropriate way of phrasing it)

“So,” Robin started, taking the voice recorder out of his utility belt. “It'll probably be best if we get an explanation while making an accident report. This way we get it all over sooner”

Everyone agreed with this idea, standing in the loose circle in the debriefing area to make it all feel more serious. They had limited time before the next batch of cookies needed to be taken out of the oven and there was no way they all wouldn't devolve into chaos when it happened. M’gann knew from experience. 

To make sure they wouldn't take too long and cookies wouldn't turn on the fire alarm (again) both she and Danny set a timer.

In the meantime they had to learn who actually attacked them earlier.

“Phantom do the honors”

Danny froze for a moment, looking like deer caught in the headlight before he asked in a bit squeaky voice:

“How do I make an accident report?”

“Just say what happened but make it sound fancy,” Artemis explained. 

“Make a mission report and we'll fix it along the way,” Kaldur proposed.

“Answer ‘When? Where? Who was involved? What happened? What have you done about it?’ without excessive use of puns to avoid Bat-lecture” Robin helped, already in handstand.

“Bat-lecture? Really Rob?”

“So it's like lab report lite” Danny said before Robin did anything more than squawk indignantly “Alright, I can do it. Do you have any set phrase to start? And which accident report is it, in the database?"

“44th… How about ‘[Hero name], report’? Sounds serious enough.”

Everyone agreed, so after a moment of silence Kaldur did the honors.

“Phantom, report”

Danny straightened, rolling his shoulders back and locked his eyes in the middle distance. It was a bit eerie how fast he went from relaxed and goofy to almost emotionless statue. M’gann wished to never encounter it again, thank you very much.

“Incident report no. 45 made by Young Justice member Phantom, regarding an attack from earlier today, 26th April 20XX. The Young Justice Team, later referred to as the Team, went on a trip to an amusement park staying currently in the city of Happy Harbour. It was an activity meant to strengthen interpersonal relationships within the Team, previously green-lit by Red Tornado. Every member was in civilian attire as per protocol. Around 3:15 PM, after two and a half hours, the Team were disturbed by a group of ten armed people, recognized by member Phantom as belonging to Ghost Investigation Ward, colloquially known as GIW or Guys In White because of their uniforms. Later in the report the organization will be referred to as the GIW. Two shots were fired by the assailants, targeting but not reaching member Phantom. Members of the GIW were hostile but with use of humor and threat of legal actions, the Team managed to diffuse the situation before it endangered passerbys. Despite direct attack, none of the Team members’ identities were compromised. Assailants left the confrontation with belief that Phantom left his ectoplasmic signature on an unrelated civilian. Agents refused to admit they were working for the GIW since its operations break a couple of laws of the state Rhode Island. Because of that, their appearance was reported to local law enforcement and taken care of. No injuries or damage to the city infrastructure were sustained other than two burns in the asphalt in the place of confrontation. Required follow-up with local law enforcement in civilian attire as victims of assault. End of report” Danny sighed, easing back into a more natural position. “This good?” he asked, with a sheepish smile.

“Perfect”

“How are you so good at reporting? You didn’t even know what to do a second ago? That’s just unfair”

“I used to write my parent’s lab reports. It’s pretty similar in form”

“Lab-”

“Follow-up to the report only, Kid-Flash,” Robin interrupted “Phantom. elaborate on who were the assailants”

Danny stepped back from himself again.

“GIW is a ghost hunting organization supported and accredited by the state government in Illinois, legally operating also in states Wisconsin and Ohio. Their goal is to catch and examine ecto-entities to learn more about their biology and ways to obliterate them. Obviously their plans for experimentation don’t include consideration of ghosts’ well-being”

“Damn, that’s messed up”

“They wouldn't catch a blob ghost if they tried,” Danny shrugged, though something was wrong with the gesture. She wasn't sure though, so she moved on.

“Then why were you scared?” M’gann pressed on instead.

“My parents… are, you know, prominent ghost hunters so when GIW opened we all got a tour around the whole building. The lab was… it made me imagine things I wished I had never thought about”

“They have labs? Like evil labs?” Robin perked up like a kid who just heard that Christmas came early. “How could you hide it from us?!” he added, falling to hang on Danny's shoulder. He twirled a bit to catch the left one even though before he stood on halfa’s right side. Dramatic as always “Conner, we have a birthday gift for you!”

“What does GIW’s lab have to do with my birthday?”

“The potential!” Robin yelled, straightening for a better effect.

Everyone started laughing. Well, everyone other than Conner who just looked at them confused.

“He probably wants to storm another lab, bring up nostalgia of our first meeting,” Kaldur calmed down just enough to explain.

“Tell me you wouldn't like to punch an evil scientist,” Wally added, almost dropping to the floor. 

“This does sound nice”

“And THIS is exactly the reason why I haven't told you all. Thanks for spoiling my surprise Rob,” Danny lied, though he did his best to sound truthful. He even projected some false mirth.

It would take much more to trick M’gann though. She abruptly stopped laughing.

“You're lying. Why actually haven't you told us?” she demanded maybe a little too harshly, but she was worried. Everyone froze for a moment, before turning to look at Danny.

“They're all bark no bite, and aim worse than Stormtroopers’, so I haven't considered them important enough to report”

Other's didn’t know, of course, but M’gann knew just how terrified Danny was during the confrontation and how echoes of that fear soured air around him even hours later.

Everyone did realize this explanation was a tone of bullshit though. 

Apparently incredulous stares were enough of the response.

“You and the Justice League have more important things to deal with than some shitty local laws”

“Bullshit again,” Artemis burst her lips “This is exactly what Justice League is for”

“I already found people to help me lobby against them”

“And why aren't we on the list?” 

Danny fell silent, not looking anyone in the eyes, which was quite a feat considering they had him in a half circle. M’gann considered moving to his side to show her support. Stare down like that had to be quite stressful.

Why not actually. She stepped closer, and drew him in the loose side hug. Danny tensed, which wasn't abnormal for him. He usually relaxed in about thirty seconds, if he didn't, she'd let go.

“I didn't expect them to breach the containment…”

“Each of these lies is worse, you know? Like, insulting our intelligence level of worse,” Artemis interrupted once more, pinning him with her eyes alone “Give us truth or stop talking”

Danny raised his head to look back at Artemis and mimed zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key away. 

“Really?”

Boy just shrugged, not breaking eye contact.

“Alright, let's move on to the next question, how did it get approved in the first place?” Wally interrupted, waving his hand between them. They both shook off like dogs fresh out of water.

“Couldn't you wait five more seconds until I won?” 

“Ha! You wish Artemis. Though you could give us a moment”

“I gave you literal ages”

Danny snorted “Sorry, I keep forgetting how impatient you are”

“Oh shut up, my brain is just faster than yours, you slowpokes”

“Sure, sure”

“He made a good point,” Kaldur said “This shouldn’t even pass. And even if, you’re legally a Meta”

“Normal ghosts aren’t and halfas being a thing is not exactly common knowledge among the living”

“I’ll never get used to this distinction”

“I believe in you, Rob”

“What about ‘Extraterrestrial, extradimensional and otherwise previously unincluded’ Optional Protocol to the ‘International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights’?”

“Oh my god Conner, you’re the only person to say the whole name ever”

“Hey!”

“It all comes down to the definition of the ghost and the fact that Alien addition uses sentience and sapience as a ground to give anyone said rights. And also, US signed it but didn’t ratify it so…”

“Isn’t it same thing?”

“Nope. I thought so too, but apparently signing anything means nothing unless it’s also ratified, so I’m kinda fucked. Can’t even get the UN to frown at them disapprovingly, because officially, nothing was agreed to. And you know, even if they ratified it, ecto-scientists conducted enough research to prove we aren’t sapient enough to have these rights anyway. Just most of the states didn’t need to make a law out of it”

“That’s rough buddy”

“Are you really quoting Avatar at me right now? Really Artemis?”

“Yes”

“Wasn’t Avatar this movie with blue people? I don’t think they said that there”

M’gann wasn’t quite sure why human members seemed to be appalled by the question.

“We’re going to fix that later-”

“What exactly is there to be fixed, because I feel like we’re talking about to different things”

“- but for now can we go back to the whole ‘ghosts have no rights in Illinois’ thing” Robin continued, completely ignoring Conner’s questions.

“Illinois, Wisconsin and Ohio. There are portals to the Zone in two of these states. GIW already tried to send nuke through one of them”

“How Americana of them,” Kaldur muttered.

“If you have another insane tidbit about them, please share it all now. My mind can’t utilize any more revelations like that”

“I handled it, don’t worry”

“Someone tried to nuke literal Afterlife…”

“Yup, get on the schedule Kid Flash. You’re supposed to be fast”

M’gann knocked her arm into his, kinda as a ‘don’t be mean’ message. Danny kinda tensed, but soon relaxed back and moved his head as if he wanted to lay it on her shoulder. Excitement of the day was clearly catching up to him.

M’gann wouldn’t be mad if he did laid his head there.

“Why do we learn about it just now?”

“I wrote the report, not my fault you haven’t read it”

“Can’t fault us for assuming we’d know every important thing from your endless bitching!”

Danny straightened and laughed, in this horrible humorless way that made M’gann want to claw at her brain until she couldn’t hear or sense any of it.

Instead, she brought her other hand up and just held him tighter.

Thankfully the whole spectacle didn’t last long.

“It’s cute that you think I bitch about anything important”

“Phantom…”

“Don’t Phantom me right now. Even if by some miracle they managed to send the missile to the Zone, it most likely wouldn’t have worked. They’re mostly just a joke.”

“They managed to shot you. Right upper arm or shoulder”

“Don’t deny it, we’ve seen you wince when I leaned on you and when M’gann hugged you”

Martian tried to let go hearing that, but Danny held her in place. She stayed where she was but carefully moved her hand away from the slightly damp area on his shirt. She suddenly caught on everything that was wrong with him, now that she knew to look for it.

“I got worse from the hand of my house’s security system”

“You… understand that it’s… like… way worse, right?”

“You don’t know life until you hear threats of dissection against your alter ego after stopping death ray with bowl of cereal,” he said, relaxing more into her side again. He sounded absolutely exhausted.

“Do you want to move in here? Until we deal with this whole GIW and assorted mess?” she said instead. Conner nodded, surprisingly eager to share the space that he considered somewhat sacred.

“Nope, I’m good, I’m needed there”

“You could Zeta- yeah, no, nevermind, it wasn’t good idea. But we could make it work”

“You still should-”

“It’s fine. I mean, I have it handled and it doesn’t affect that many people. And we’re working on it. It’s fine”

“It really is not,” Conner growled.

“You need your arm patched up” M’gann demanded, ignoring previous conversation, with eyes still fixed on the blood that stained her forearm. She should’ve destroyed at least Operative K.

“I bandaged it up”

“It soaked through then. Let’s go to med–”

Loud shrill interrupted her, because of course it did.

“Oh, look, convenient distraction! Let’s take the cookies out before they get burned!”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” M’gann stated in a way that allowed no argument “You’re getting away for now only because I’m holding most of your weight right now”

“Sure we will. And I can stand on my own, thank you very much”

“I’ve heard many lies today and this might be the worst of them. We’re going to Medbay as soon as the cookies are out”

“You’ve got it boss”

[artytaeh]

everyone sees lorenze as a sweetheart but in the fic he was introduced in he was a dick, and on tiktok there's this whole thing where he would sleep with girls and then log the points he made by sleeping with them in a little black book, then compare scores with the other boys (i think it was 20-pureblood, 10 or 15- halfblood and 5-muggleborn), so how do you see him? (and can you write some hc's for him lile you did with mattheo please?)

anyways, love ur writing, and hope you have a great day!

A STUDY-CASE OF LORENZO BERKSHIRE; based on personal headcanons. 𓂃 ࣪ ✽ ˒

even though lorenzo doesn't have the same destroying coping mechanisms as mattheo or theodore, it's dangerous to assume that he's a sweetheart. if anything, it's a carefully built persona, a mask that he wears rather than claims as his own personality.

warnings: mentions of trauma, and mature contents advised to +18 readers; read at your own risk and responsibility.

MOST PEOPLE FORGET THAT LORENZO IS A SLYTHERIN— this man is cunning. to the point where people might raise an eyebrow at that.

from childhood, lorenzo learned some survival skills: to observe is to learn how to properly behave depending on the ambience, or the people that surround you. to observe is to learn how to act with certain people, nevermind if you agree with them or not. to observe is to know which mask to wear that would benefit you the most.

you see, lorenzo was more of a lucky child than his half-brother, mattheo riddle; the two were born from the same insane mother, who gave birth to lorenzo first as a riddance of her arranged marriage— lorenzo was freedom, was the one thing she had to do to leave that boring, unsatisfying life that her sister, narcissa black, submitted herself to.

after lorenzo, well, bellatrix lestrange was free to openly show her true colors, not having to poorly hide her affairs with dark magic and fascination for the dark lord— betraying mr. berkshire, lorenzo's father, who was unsure whether this was a good outcome (getting a heir and getting rid of such an unstable woman), or a terrible one for his reputation.

so really, mattheo would argue that growing up away from their mother was a blessing, that lorenzo should be thankful for.

lorenzo berkshire never felt that way.

in fact, lorenzo has a deep feeling of envy, in my perspective. never enough for his mother, who didn't even decide his name— his problems never worrisome or considered within his group, not when mattheo riddle exists, not since theodore's mother died. hell, even draco seemed to have a worse life than him.

to me, despite being more of a trio with theodore and mattheo since childhood, lorenzo has the most empathy and "light feelings" with blaise. since, well, they look like the most lighthearted and objectively happy of the group.

THE LACK OF HIS MOTHER'S PRESENCE had always cut deep within lorenzo: it brought a resentment fueled by envy, jealousy even, ever since his childhood.

looking at other children with their mothers, receiving loving hugs or even scoldings, was something that lorenzo deeply ached for. a maternal presence in his life, someone who cares— his father did the best he could, and honestly, not being related to the dark lord's affairs like draco, theodore and mattheo's family are, well, it was a blessing and offered a much lighter ambience at home.

still. lorenzo berkshire didn't know what to do with all that hatred bubbling inside of him. his family members, his teachers— everyone would praise lorenzo for his beautiful and delicate looks, how well-spoken he is; such a blessed child, right?

then why the fuck wasn't lorenzo worthy of a mother? what did mattheo have that lorenzo doesn't, what is so much more interesting about mattheo that lorenzo lacks— to the point of his mother not even knowing his name?

lorenzo finds it unfair. it's unfair, and behind that sweet smile of his, there's a brewing anger, resentment, jealousy that are dangerously close to explode. the day lorenzo explodes, well, hogwarts might blow to debris as well.

it didn't matter how much of a good father charles berkshire attempted to be; where do you think that lorenzo learned his womanizer ways into the world? seeing his father flirtatiously seduce maids, bring home women that felt awkward under his childlike gaze, how girlfriends rarely stayed for longer than a few months. enzo always wondered if love was meant to have a term. like food, if that make sense; in short time, it'll rot, if you don't consume.

so really, the lack of a maternal presence was what made lorenzo ache for a sense of validation. female validation, to be specific.

( yes, the type of friend who becomes your mother's favorite. lorenzo aches to be the slightest bit loved by them; he's specially close to narcissa, his aunt, since she shares the same blood as his mother. other than narcissa, lorenzo really likes and admires mrs. zabini too. )

draco malfoy is his childhood friend; they're cousins, berkshires and malfoys being two influential families that joined their heirs to be good friends since birth. theodore sparked interest in lorenzo since day one, even though he had been introverted back then. blaise came as a package deal with draco, hence why they have an amicable friendship. and mattheo, well, he... sparked different things in enzo that fueled that dangerous anger that he keeps hidden under wraps.

at first, this group seemed promising to one thing: popularity, and lorenzo ached to be a cool kid. gradually, enzo stopped perceiving them as a means to an end, and began to become truly attached to his friends. to the point where yes, lorenzo berkshire is the one to separate fights, or to keep an eye out to assure that professors won't interrupt his friends' fistfights.

even so, lorenzo feels lonely or an outcast sometimes. draco and blaise were birds of a feather ever since the first days of friendship; theodore and mattheo shared too many matching wounds. despite his proximity with both mattheo and theodore, lorenzo often felt like they were the duo in a trio. in the end, he had no one to claim as his person, nevermind how he's the one who ached for it the most.

LORENZO BERKSHIRE IS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC; dreaming with love at first sight, believing that he'd only settle down for this one goddess, this perfect woman he'd only have eyes for. genuinely, lorenzo believes that everyone has their assigned soulmate, that the one exists. and here between us, lorenzo is dying to meet the love of his life; he has high expectations of the world stopping the moment he sees her, of being tongue-tied on her presence. all of those romance book cliches.

so, in a way, all of these gentlemanly acts, this effort to get to know many people, specially girls... it's all for the sake of his goal: finding this girl that will stop his world.

and as romantic as it can be, such a thing makes lorenzo berkshire become... an asshole.

so he becomes anxious. each girl he dates, he'll anxiously expect or wonder if she's the one for him. this anxiety brings him to be a bit mean, and an inconsequent jerk, who'd find faults in all of the girls he dated for more than a week; by the end of the month, he'd have a whole brainstorming session on his notebook (that bloody, cruel notebook of his) weighting the qualities over their flaws.

and so he'll daydream— and test them. watching closely how they react to this and that, a strange analogy for situations of daily life; a taste of what would be like settling for such a woman. if it's worth it. if he likes it. if their reactions are charming to his eyes.

if he's dissatisfied, well; he'll dump them. lorenzo berkshire has a big heart, meant to love and show the outmost affection—

and even though he'll make a girl feel like a princess, like the most important, prettiest, most special girl at school... one day he'll treat you as the most special, ethereal person that ever existed in the earth— on the other one he won't even spare a glance at you.

LOVE BOMBING works that way. because as soon as lorenzo is bored or dissatisfied, he'll leave; the interest, the thrill of the chase, learning the way to their bodies and what makes them laugh, swoon, blush, give him a cute reaction — after all of that, well.

lorenzo berkshire will be bored.

and leave their lives as fast as he came.

and well, enter the little black book !

you see, for how much of an asshole that lorenzo truly is, is a bit hidden under the wraps; (mattheo doesn't have much of a problem showing it, since his father's reputation got people assuming terrible things about him since day one), but lorenzo berkshire is more discreet.

for those of you who don't know, the little black book is a hard covered notebook, with blank pages meant to be filled with... well, rudely given scores and opinions that should've never been verbalized. as anon mentioned on their ask: this is a game between him and mattheo; like quidditch, you score more and more points to your team.

with this one, each girl they sleep with, adds more points to their game. raised with the pureblood supremacy ideology implanted on their minds, the points were given like this:

⭑ 20 points, if the girl is a pureblood;

⭑ 10 points, if the girl is a halfblood;

⭑ 5 points, if the girl is a mudblood muggle born.

mattheo being lorenzo's partner on this whole little black book deal is a bit of a... tricky situation.

at first, it served as a competition; to prove to himself that he's better than his half-brother, after all. then, it became mean conversations that unintentionally brought the boys together as genuinely good friends who appreciate spending time together.

suddenly, lorenzo doesn't hate mattheo anymore, and starts perceiving him as who he really is, instead of that nemesis he created inside his head— the boy who stole his mother's attention.

SMARTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR. it's part of his sweetheart persona, to make sure people underestimate him; sure, don't worry about lorenzo — look at him, do you really think he'd punch a guy?

(he would. lorenzo rarely gets himself into fights, for the sake of not getting bruises on his face and his reputation; but this guy is feral. get lorenzo berkshire angry enough, and mattheo and theodore have to join forces to separate lorenzo from his adversary.)

enzo won't punch or be aggressive to anyone in public. if anything, he might get them at a secluded corner of the castle and give them a very obvious warning.

but his preferred strategy is to innocently spread gossip about the people that harm his friends. you said that theo had cocaine? funny— it seems like you slept with a professor and got an abortion during christmas break. lorenzo isn't afraid to spread gruesome rumors like that. so be smart and don't start shit with his friends either.

lorenzo also has a hard time knowing himself. in a sense that, because lorenzo shapes himself to adjust to each social circle, he gets lost between the many masks he used throughout his life.

is he capable of being a sweet person, or is he just a really bad guy? lorenzo sees things as extreme. black or white. day or night. the sun or the moon. good or evil. right of wrong. that might be why he has a hard time believing in what people say about him; as in, if you praise lorenzo of being a good friend, he'll have his doubts about that— a good friend wouldn't do the things he's done, or felt jealousy towards them. a good friend wouldn't resent his friends for having problems seemingly bigger than his, right?

( rip lorenzo berkshire you would have loved personality quizzes. )

lorenzo also tends to have a certain distortion of his problems. the issue here is, the minor problems are seen as extreme, alas the truly worrisome ones, diminished. enzo knows when someone is abused — but does he allow himself to feel bad about the grown woman who was his first time at fourteen? no—no. he should like it. boys will be boys. and when everyone patted his back and treated him like a king afterwards, lorenzo felt bad about wanting to throw up.

QUALITIES THAT HE POSSESSES, rather than just spitting out my insight of lorenzo's struggles and some flaws of his, are:

⭑ knows how to treat a woman,

lorenzo is a friend to many girls, and having seeked both comfort and validation from the female audience, interacting so much with the opposite gender offered experience. not just to fuck or making out— lorenzo genuinely has some girl friends that he considers as people he sincerely likes; most of these friends, depending on their personality (cough how enzo judges whether they'd be able to survive his friends' bullshit cough), lorenzo will warn his slytherin friends to find another prey to pester.

besides, he's the one who mostly advises his friends. surely, theodore has good experience with women at his feet, and mattheo knows how to flirt with a girl— however, both suck at apologizing, or redeeming for their mistakes, even though they're not feeling the guilt they should feel.

lorenzo sympathizes with that, but bloody hell, morons— just go get her a bouquet of her favorite flowers and say some sappy bullshit! lorenzo isn't sure whether his friends are ignorant idiots, or if he's somehow included in girl code. lorenzo berkshire promises that it's not that hard to understand women, much less how to treat one right.

( emotionally speaking, well... sometimes lorenzo fails at that. horribly. still, his motto is to make girls cry on his tongue, not for his actions. break her bed, not her heart! )

⭑ the greatest at social gatherings,

hence why lorenzo will be the perfect boyfriend to your parent's eyes; a charming smile, polite and doesn't force any sympathy to be casted upon him. lorenzo's ability to perform in the pureblood society, at home, in hogwarts with different social circles, allowed him to master the art of adapting into the necessary mask. besides, he's a mother's favorite; should you and lorenzo berkshire ever break up, your mother will cry.

⭑ as i've stated before— acts of service,

lorenzo's most genuine display of care is by acts of service. gifts if he wants to impress, physical touch if he wants to seduce— so the things he does for his slytherin friends are the most sincere from him.

⭑ ‌looking out for any professors or filch, to make sure that no one interrupts his friend's brawls; if necessary, lorenzo is one to step up on the fight as well, if things feel unmatched for mattheo or theodore.

⭑ ‌taking care of their drunk selves, even to the point of tolerating them throwing up at each corner of their shared bathroom (a nightmare, i'll tell you.); lorenzo will drop whatever he's doing to make sure that his friends are hydrated, comfortable and sleeping soundly on their beds.

⭑ ‌brings annotations and whatnot to help them at a certain subject. lorenzo has connections and is an acquaintance to many, so really, getting these wasn't that hard.

⭑ ‌saves their preferred dessert or breakfast meal, since lorenzo is very pontual and likes to leave the slytherin's dorms early. or at least before the halls are too crowded for his liking.

⭑ knows their allergies. once saved blaise from suffocating— theodore unintentionally gave him a bit of a tart that had peach. blaise is allergic to them.

⭑ isn't a materialistic person,

at least not like his cousin, draco malfoy, is; money and wealth came easy to lorenzo's life, surely, however he doesn't perceive it as something that dictates a family's value. hence why lorenzo also doesn't look at price tags— knowing that the berkshire's vault at gringotts would be full for many generations to come, but also because money is a trade needed to survive amidst society. besides, lorenzo has money to spoil you! otherwise, why would he need this much?

not looking at price tags might make him a bit ignorant about stuff he buys. 'this? oh, i thought it was cool– does this brand cost five hundred galleons? oh, i wasn't aware.' — won't be able to explain where he got his clothes from, because they might be muggle, wizardry, low cost, or at the expense of a kidney.

besides, lorenzo values handmade gifts much more than bought ones. things you buy because you know a person's tastes are just as endearing— lorenzo melts at the notion that you see him. that you notice him and what he says. even so, give this man a love letter, and he'll unironically sob (and read it every. single. night. before sleeping). this means that lorenzo will also put effort into making something for you, rather than go to the first store and buy the first thing he sees.

⭑ dresses ridiculously well,

lorenzo berkshire doesn't have to pull anything off; the man knows how to dress. an angel will spend their vacation at hell, the same day you'll see lorenzo wearing a mismatched outfit. sounds impossible, right? yeah. it doesn't matter if he's running late either; lorenzo will even show that that adds to his charm: being fashionably late.

he's a bit stingy with clothes, though. doesn't like the thought of sharing them with anyone— however he might lend hoodies, jumpers and shirts to his partner. the biggest drama queen if someone taints or ruins his clothes. if his shirt isn't perfectly ironed, he won't use it. lorenzo berkshire always looks impecable.

⭑ fiercely loyal,

slytherin and hufflepuff walk hand in hand with this one trait: loyalty. in my opinion, you won't find another house who compares to their great sense of devoted trust. lorenzo, nevermind his own mental struggles and unspoken issues, would never betray his best friends in any way.

lorenzo is the type of friend to whom you have to prove that his friends are in the wrong— the proof must be a ridiculously good argument, because even so, lorenzo will side with his friends. enzo's concern over the moralty of their actions falters, into the need of helping his loved ones out of this mess first; besides, lorenzo has a secret (yet loud) urge to be useful, to be needed, from where validation and self-esteem comes from.

🪻 ; . . . fandom : harry potter.

— once again: this is my perception of lorenzo berkshire! 🗯️ i posted this with a tinsy bit of fear, since some people might interpret lorenzo as something totally opposite to this... but oh well. i hope you liked it! you won't believe for how long i've had this for ?! and i'm still so not satisfied with it. 🙂‍↔️

the headers + gifs + icons aren't mine. credits to the respective creators ! 🌷

[paramountie]

this meta is from several months ago but I am just seeing it now and I want to add to it bc I am always at all times thinking of the episode "odds." the main thing I want to add is that fraser IS learning how to bluff and he is doing this bc of the Specter of Victoria.

now victoria is never mentioned in this episode, but from the beginning she's deliberately invoked in an unspoken way. as we all know, the victoria episodes ended with fraser getting shot in the back, and this episode starts with fraser injuring his back, which calls back to that first injury, both for fraser and for the audience.

as mentioned above, fraser immediately notices that ladyshoes is flirting with him and he also realizes that she is trying to play him. however, one of the core things about Fraser's character is that he ALWAYS gives other people a chance. (Ray even mentions in this episode that "One of the good things about you [Fraser] is you take people at face value.") So even though ladyshoes is a criminal, and even though she has scammed people before and seems to be actively scamming him, fraser is still willing to take her at face value and try to help her. she is a person who says she is in trouble, and he is going to try to help her, until it is PROVEN to him that she is lying/manipulating.

however, fraser is also very aware of the fact that he's been scammed before. disastrously so.

now, writing about the victoria episodes would be a whole separate meta, but after victoria's secret 1 & 2 and letting go, victoria is never really mentioned again. which in another show would mean that she's been completely forgotten, but not this show, baby!!! she's haunting the narrative!!! so even though her name is never mentioned, certain things that fraser says and does show us that she's still on his mind. we also don't get a lot of direct info about how fraser FEELS about the whole situation, but I think this episode gives us some key moments that tell us his thoughts on Victoria, a few years later.

so first we have diefenbaker pining away for ladyshoes's dog, an emotional state fraser describes as "might be love. then again, it might just be worms." (a callback to fraser, in an invitation to romance, talking about when he met victoria and saying it's difficult to tell the difference between love and an inner ear imbalance.) so one of the questions fraser is struggling with this episode is how to tell the difference between love and not-love, which could be lust, manipulation, etc. this is something he's been struggling with since the first season.

we also see ray struggling with this very same issue ("what's the diff?") and the moment he notices fraser paying particular attention to Denny, he tells fraser "you can never know a woman like that." fraser doesn't agree or disagree. He's acknowledging her history of being a "card player" but he's also not going to judge her preemptively. However, ray loves and cares about fraser, and he doesn't want him to get hurt. So fraser is trying to give her a chance (while avoiding being tricked) and ray is trying to protect him. Both ray and fraser are immediately projecting their own issues onto lady shoes. ray, throughout the episode, tries to talk to fraser about this but he keeps coming at it from the wrong direction. he tells fraser "there's a lot of things that you can do with a woman like this, but trusting them is not one of them" to which fraser replies "who says I trust her?" ray and fraser are at cross purposes here. ray thinks fraser already trusts her too much and is going to get tricked, while fraser is doing his best to solve the case without going too far in either direction. he neither trusts ladyshoes ("who says I trust her?") nor distrusts her (Scarpa: why can't you trust me? Fraser: who says I don't?)

(Welsh: You can't do that, Fraser. You can't be bluffing when you're not bluffing.

however, fraser, throughout the episode, IS bluffing and not bluffing.)

now there have been plenty of episodes where fraser can easily balance his trust/distrust of the person of the week, and it doesn't particularly disturb him. but he IS disturbed this episode. he's off-balance. denny kisses him, and the next scene is him throwing water on his face. the moment ray comes into the bathroom they have this conversation:

FRASER: You know, my father used to say that duty was a passion. Maybe the only one that really counted. KOWALSKI: You have no duty here, Fraser. All you got is risk. You know, what if you start to sweat and Farah twigs to the scam? I mean, anything could go down. FRASER: Well, I'm aware there are risks. KOWALSKI: You know, Fraser, ah — when I was in college, I used to go to the track and play the horses. One day I was down there and I met this, ah, chick from Albany. She had a good line. And I bought it — hook, line, sinker — you know, before she left, she'd taken everything. FRASER: You think I'm confusing duty with passion?

ray thinks fraser is trying to talk to him about trusting the wrong people and fraser is trying to talk to ray about his struggle with duty and passion. this, again, is a callback to victoria. his central struggle with victoria was the difference between duty and love. when he first met victoria, his duty was to bring her in, but his passion/love wanted to let her go. this is later complicated by learning more about victoria, and realizing that she was nowhere near as innocent as she made herself out to be. so fraser's struggle becomes how to choose between duty and love and ALSO how to trust people, as well as his own perceptions of people. usually, he's good at picking up lies and manipulation, but victoria clouded his vision. so he feels guilty for NOT letting her go, while at the same time, he wonders if he should have. this conversation reveals that all these questions are still on his mind and fraser is trying to figure out how to navigate helping someone who may be actively manipulating him.

(it's also important to note that fraser DOES try to talk to ray about this, but ray interrupts him, goes off in the wrong direction. ray wants fraser to know he's being scammed, but fraser knows this, or at least is open to the possibility. his question is how does he still do the right thing while being actively manipulated.)

so throughout the episode, fraser is letting lady shoes play her game. she flirts with him, she gives him a sob story, she lies and manipulates. she kisses him and fraser lets her. in essence, she plays a similar game to victoria. victoria flirted, victoria told him she'd been forced into her crimes by an abusive boyfriend, victoria took advantage of fraser's loneliness and lack of romantic experience.

FRASER: (talking about Victoria) It's easier to think you're in love than it is to accept that you're alone. FRASER: Are you protecting someone? SCARPA: Just myself and my dog. FRASER: Sounds very lonely. SCARPA: You tell me. FRASER: Are you suggesting our situations are similar? SCARPA: Both outsiders, one step ahead of everybody else. Yeah, I think so.

only fraser is not inexperienced now. he's been in love, he's been betrayed. denny plays her game, but he still finds out the truth. he picks up on her mention of her brother and he looks into it. he asks her all the right questions. in the end, he is able to help her AND catch her. he arrests the person who killed her brother, but he also arrests her.

he lets denny play her game to test himself. has he learned his lesson? is he trusting the right people? Is he balancing duty and passion? can he feel his feelings, can he be in love, without completely abandoning his duty to help people?

(throughout this whole episode, of course, victoria/denny are contrasted with the person fraser CAN trust, Ray. ray and fraser are not on the same page during this episode, but they keep trying to be. ray keeps checking with fraser and fraser keeps trying to explain himself to ray. fraser gets more information about denny's past and the murder of her brother, but it's not until a moment before he's going to step into the poker game and he's interrupted before he can explain everything to ray. until that point, his theory about denny and her brother's death is just a theory. the moment he gets proof, he signals to ray what's going on, and ray, always reliable, picks up on it immediately.)

so denny does her best to manipulate fraser, in an attempt to avenge her brother's death, but fraser figures it out. at the last second, denny tries to escape and they have the following conversation:

FRASER: You play a dangerous game. SCARPA: Farah killed my brother. FRASER: So you ordered Joey to kill Farah. SCARPA: Just trying to even out the game. FRASER: Using me in the process. SCARPA: You could have let me go. FRASER: Who says I won't let you go now?

the words "you could have let me go" directly echo victoria. he loved her, but he refused to let her go and she went to prison, something he originally can't forgive himself for.

FRASER: She asked me to let her go. You see, no one knew that I had found her, the police didn't even know her name — I could just let her go, and she could walk away that night. BOB FRASER: You did the right thing. You did your duty. That's all you could have done. FRASER: She's the only woman I ever loved, and I put her in prison. Duty is a poor excuse.

fraser, during and directly after the victoria episodes, thinks that he should have let victoria go. but in this moment with denny, we see him reckoning with the fact that he was USED. denny says "you could have let me go" and for a moment the camera lingers on fraser's face, reacting to her words. maybe denny was right for wanting vengeance for her brother and maybe victoria was manipulated into the bank robbery. but both of them used fraser in the process, took advantage of him, something that he is realizing now was not right. this conversation shows fraser's shift from blaming himself to forgiving himself, to allowing himself to get angry for what was done to him.

(this conversation is also followed by fraser pretending to drop denny off the ledge. he's mad. she tried to use him and it didn't work but it could have. he gave her many chances to be honest with him, and if she'd been honest he could have helped her, but instead she decided to manipulate him. just like victoria.)

so what's the answer to the questions he's been asking? how does he decide between duty and passion? how does he know who to trust? how does he know who to love? he trusts the people who are honest with him, who don't use him, who don't force him to be something he's not. (contrast denny/victoria with rayk in "asylum" who has no idea if he's killed a man or not but is honest with fraser every step of the way.) he can love and trust the people who don't make him choose between love and duty, or at the very least, don't make it so damn hard.

(quotes from here and here)

Timestamp Roulette: Odds

Minutes 2, 14, 16, 19, 24, 29, and 41.

[orionchildofhades]

i wonder about viktor's childhood. about him growing up in the fissures. about him breathing in poisonous gases and starting coughing, falling because his leg wouldn't let him stay upright while he caught his breath. i think about the first time he built something. not even meaningful, or close to useful, finding loose screws and cogs on the ground and tightening them together in the shadows. i think about viktor after he met singed, when he came back and took care of a dying salamander, petting her, feeding her, listening to singed explain the basic of science to him, things he could not do with his hands but his mind, math, hard calculation. do you think singed taught him to read? and then he came back with the flowers to find the salamander dead. gone. keening in pain, attached to so many tubes, so many liquid, and wondering just for a second about his own fate. his lungs, his leg, his back. if he, too, was dying and would end like this. i think about viktor and wonder how he ended up in piltover, how he ended up as heimerdinger's assistant. no title, no name, no patron. i think about his own research before jayce and his arcane dream. do you think he was like sky? working on his research in a corner, trying to figure out how to bring it to heimerdinger? do you think about how he grew more confident, more sure of himself. he was alone, he could rely only on this fact, he brought himself in the academy, to where he stood then. how many people he had to fight for it, how many hours spent proving himself.

i also think about him riding on the dream that was hextech. seeing how his ideas could change the world, how his actions could have a positive impact. but it was not really his own but jayce's. they managed together, worked together, lost hours of sleep, dreamless nights of torturous hope for a breakthrough, days spent in pain hunched over a desk or running around to experiment with his leg and back killing him, but in the end, the hexgate was named as a project under jayce talis, jayce was the golden boy, the man of progress, he was heimerdinger's pupil, and the kirammans' protégé.

i think about viktor coughing the first drops of blood, realising his fate, seeing the salamander and knowing how she ended. he knows it's catching up with him now, he knows the clock ticking above his head started speeding up. and he rushes. he no longer cares if things could be dangerous. a decade of careful research and testing? he's lucky if he sees another full year, he cannot wait, cannot break. he goes to singed, he carves his skin, he wants to save the world but gods does he want to save himself too.

and he dies, but comes back, hating what he is but knowing it's his last chance. the rune, the hexcore, it tells through him, to him, but it's still a little bit of him inside. the way he feels, sees, knows, it's all changed but he's more himself than he will be later. he refuses to let singed use warwick, somewhere in him he likes what he managed to built, the people he could save. somewhere inside of him, he allows in a way he never could in piltover. he reaches inside vander and there is a new softness he never knew before, a wonder for feelings and memories that are not his, a care for what the world could be. there is also something of hunger in him, something between his and the arcane's, the control he likes to have, the knowledge nad security he has in his position, in knowing what he can or could do now. it's in the way he knows he cannot go back to what was before but cannot give it up either, its rolling a small cog in his hands when he can, rebuilding elements of his past life around his new one, bargaining with his visitors (no weapons, conditions) it's refusing to take the next step, leaving in the liminal space between viktor and the arcane, wandering the palace of vander's mind and resting with it while refusing to acknowledge jayce's pain in the lab. but the hexcore could not survive in his weakened body and therefore he needed to evolve.

and i think about the end of arcane and viktor's name being forgotten after all he did to make it stay, all he sacrificed, all he gave up. being told that he had to work for another decade for his project to see the light of day but feeling the clock ticking, the breath leaving his lungs, knowing that the next time blood rushed out of his airways could be the last he would break at all. i think about viktor who did not save a single soul, of his dream of helping the undercity, of him saving jayce on that first night after the council meeting, of sky, joyful and hopeful sky, vanishing in a heap of violent ash, of all the shimmer user dropping like flies once viktor fell, of jayce's face full of fear when he closed his fist around viktor's own. everything he was, could have been, would have been. the brightest flame burns the fastest indeed.

[junedenim]

hello you

one day more, part four

warnings: dad!al, fluff, slight angst, sprinkled with smut (piv)

word count: 12.4k

Sometime around when Lottie had just given birth to Franny, Alex got infected with the flu. It was likely he picked it up somewhere in those hospital halls, but that was never officially determined. Lottie banished him from the house, not wanting him to infect her or their newborn baby. Thus was born Alex's worry and fear that he was missing Franny's life.

He belonged to a profession that often required him to fly away. Lottie said she never cared much, only that she missed him while he was gone. She considers these girls-only days to be the sweet, special moments Franny will remember with her maman. 

But Alex is stuck with that ache of missing them always, even when they are right in front of his eyes. It's like two people laughing at an inside joke. He spent eleven years of his life missing her and it has never fully gone away. Lottie has tried to find solutions to this. It helped that they had mostly three uninterrupted years together after Franny was born, but still, Alex is pained by being away and phone calls just don't do it. 

He wants to smell Lottie's lavender shampoo and feel the glitter nail polish on Franny's fingers. The last time he saw them was when the band was in England and he was, of course, sick. He had Franny paint the nail polish on his nails. It mostly ended up on the skin surrounding the nails, but the act allowed him to endure the six weeks without them because he could just rub his fingers on the pink mess.

He talks to them every night before Franny goes to bed. One night he embarrassingly sang her a lullaby in the corner of a bar. He always feels bad about drinking and having fun without them, especially Lottie, who has to deal with a whiny four-year-old who doesn't want to go to sleep. 

Lottie always insists it's fine but he worries one day it won't be fine. He often feels like he's never got his shit together. She's just dragging him along. Maybe that's why a wedding took so long. Lottie doesn't even wear a ring. Her last name is still the same too and she was the one who wanted to get married. Sometimes he thinks she's playing a big trick on him. That this has all been some massive fraudulent ruse on him and he'll wake up with them gone one day.

Right before they got married, they were stuffed in a Brussels hotel with Franny. They tucked themselves away in the bathroom while Franny was sleeping. Lottie was in the bath and he was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet in his boxers watching her. 

They were sharing a "celebratory" glass of wine between them. Alex asked her, "Do you want me to change my last name?" He thought she might laugh but she didn't. Her expression was contemplative, still processing his words. She sank deeper into the tub, the water touching her cupid's bow. She took her time thinking and he passed it by sipping on the wine. 

She lifted her mouth out and asked, "Why would you do that?"

He shrugged and said, "'Cause I love you" because that has been the driving force of all his actions since 2018. 

She smiled and placed her arms on the edge of the tub, resting her chin on her folded arms. She was cherubic, one of Botticelli's angels. "That's nice."

He came beside her and kissed her after that, but in the darkness of all these empty hotel rooms, he thought about how she didn't say I love you back. He gets this way on the road and he knows he's overthinking and he knows she’s probably nervous that all this time away from one another isn't good for you. But still.

They got married the next day, so, who is he to doubt her love? He's just insecure and lonely, he knows this. It's different now—missing someone. His love for Lottie is undeniable. It's the only way he's able to function, but Franny...that's something different.

She's a piece of him. Literally. Sometimes it feels like she's his heart just running around their London home with a mind of its own. He always knew having children could be like this. He didn't know it would feel like this. It came to him quickly in two moments. 

Right after she was born they placed her by Lottie, but since it was a C-section and given Lottie was still open, they gave her to Alex in place of the usual skin-to-skin with the mother. There, when his heartbeat rang through her little ears and her cries turned to small whimpers, he cried with her. It was the quiet kind of crying. I know how you feel, kid, I love you too.

Loving her is the easiest and hardest thing to do. A weight crushes down on him, threatening to break through his ribs that only subsides when she pats his face and says, "Papa." (Yeah, Lottie got her way).

Late at night on one of those phone calls, he talks to Lottie. She's cleaning up their house in London and he's smoking a cigarette on his hotel's balcony in Vegas. He hears Franny's toys rattle against her hands as she says, "There's no need to be jealous, Al." Maybe he should feel lucky that he's looking out at Sin City's lights and was able to have two whiskeys during a game of poker. He doesn't.

But she speaks to him in a way that always puts things in perspective. The calm in the middle of the storm. It was something that used to seem so unexciting to his teenage mind, even when he was running around Brussels with her, he thought happiness would lay there, but really it lies in her, not the moment.

"You don't miss me?" He asked it jokingly, but he took her answer seriously.

"You're all I think about. The good and the bad. I even miss having your wet towels on the floor."

"Wow," he chuckles. She's crying. He could hear it. But he doesn't comment on it, he knows it will hurt her more. "I bet all my gambling money on green in roulette."

She laughs then says, "You lost, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. Got me on the phone with you sooner."

He keeps a photo in his wallet. He'd never thought he'd come to an age when he did that. Lottie makes fun of him for having the default iPhone background. She doesn't know about the photo in his wallet.

It's Lottie and Franny at Waterstones. It's a photostrip, so technically it's four pictures in one. She showed it to him when the band came through London. At first, it felt like another thing he missed out on, but then Lottie showed him a photo strip taken of her with her mother, right when she was around Franny's age. He realized some moments aren't meant for him. But they are, so he keeps it in his wallet.

It's nice to catch a glimpse of it when he's buying dinner or buying M&Ms at a gas station in Roscoe, Illinois. He sees it when he's buying Franny a stuffed animal from the Lincoln Park Zoo. It dulls the ache when he sleeps with it that night. Maybe he's always been childish and never grew out of his twin-sized bed or Franny has just woken the little boy inside him, but he hugs the stuffed polar bear close to his chest that lonely night in Chicago.

It helped that within a few days, they'd all reunite in Montreal, where Lottie could check out how her French compares with the Quebecois. She's never been to Canada before. It reminded Alex of the lack of travelling they had done together. Other than spots around Europe, which nowadays have been reserved for visiting family, he and Lottie have never been on a trip together, non-work, non-family related. 

Perhaps because the first "trip" they took together in Brussels couldn't be topped romantically, however, they didn't even have a honeymoon. Alex insisted against it, knowing he'd be gone soon, and not wanting to be away from Franny for too long and Lottie agreed. 

They will have to do something like it soon or maybe just start with being in the same city. There's something he longs for, wishes he could be better and not do this, but he is pulled in two, even if Lottie says otherwise. He likes going swimming with Lottie. They've only done it twice, both in a pool, but he'd like to do it again, maybe soon on a Californian beach.

A few years back, when Franny was just a babe and everything about being a parent they were struggling to figure out, Alex and Lottie talked about everything and nothing. The mundane helped pass those sleepless nights. It helped their relationship stay afloat and not drown around the strain of their crying child.

Lottie was breastfeeding Franny on the couch. It was sometime around 3:30 in the morning. Franny woke up crying and Lottie insisted it was her turn. After ten minutes of no return and no noise, Alex went out to the living room where the television was on but muted and Lottie looked a second away from dropping dead. He probably did too, except, you know, he didn't just have major surgery to remove a human being from him.

She gave him a wordless smile as he sat beside her and placed his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. "I'd kill for a coffee," she said. He doesn't offer because she'll refuse, she's breastfeeding after all.

"Maybe we should go out tomorrow. We've all been cooped up for too long." He had been the only one to go out and that had been for a limited time running to grocery stores and the bakery on the corner that has donuts Lottie loves.

She shook her head. "Too much work." She hates the idea of Franny crying in public. She gets so worried about inconveniencing people that she inconveniences herself instead.

Franny unlatched and Lottie handed her off to Alex to burp her. His palm almost completely covered her back. When she was so little like that he had a hard time believing she was real and belonged to him. She sometimes felt like a doll. He always thought the hospital messed up and gave them the wrong baby. She felt too perfect to be his.

"Maybe you should go out for a walk. I can keep Franny company," he offers.

"Who's gonna keep me company? It's boring to walk alone."

They had become so accustomed to that shared space. In the first few months of Franny's life, they were on top of one another and it never bugged them. They liked those early morning couch talks. Sleep suffered but they were fortunate enough to not have to worry about work the next day.

Lottie's mother came a few weeks after the couch talk. Alex and Lottie went on a walk while she watched Franny. It was cold and Lottie curled her arms around his right arm, stuffed away in his coat pocket.

"I love her as my little baby," Lottie said, "but I can't wait until she's a little older and can do all this stuff with us. Can you imagine her walking? We'll each hold one of her little hands and swing her between us. I always wanted to do that."

She had a thoughtful look on her face. Her smile had become a slight frown. She told him about halfway through the pregnancy that she felt like she was rewriting her history. She was so happy Franny would have a loving, present father, but now he's nowhere close to her.

Lottie will say he's nothing like her deadbeat dad, and sure he might at least be around sometimes, but what's the difference if he's not there to hold her other hand?

When he goes to bed in Toronto, he dreams about Paris. They were all together there in May. First for two shows, then during the tour break. They visited Lottie's family and had romantic evenings where Francoise spent the night with her grandmother.

Francoise swung between them as they walked through Luxembourg Gardens. She splashed her hands softly against the fountain waters with infectious giggles. She squealed and asked, "Can we get a frowntain?"

They got her a mini plastic toy fountain and placed it in their small backyard. In late July, the period before he left for North America, he watched her splash in it. They have these metal tables out in the yard that he and Lottie both shamelessly smoked at in the evening after Franny had gone to bed.

He misses that backyard so desperately. The summer air, the smoke that somehow made the air more breathable, the city groaning in the distance. Lottie would sit out there in a shirt and underwear claiming it was too hot for anything else. 

They spoke in short sentences, sometimes tossing the conversation back and forth, sometimes in simple junctions one at a time. Usually, they talked about Franny and their days, ignoring the impending doom of his leaving.

The weather was sweet with a breeze and Lottie looked over at him and he could imagine her at every point he had known her, all combining into the woman in front of him. She giggles at the attention but doesn't ask anymore why he's staring, she knows. 

He laughed with her, just wanting to savour a piece of this, any piece of her for a breath more. It swelled around him. It's still swollen in this waiting process. He hopes they slept on the flight.

He twists his wedding band on his left ring finger. He wears his because he wants to. He loves that kind of thing, loves thinking of her all the time. He likes it when it glistens on stage or he knocks it against the bathroom sink. He twists it when he's anxious and when they're together, having sex, she kisses it like he's the Pope.

It's probably the other way around. He told her once that if he were to ever pray, he'd be praying to her. He says things like this usually post-orgasm, so maybe it's truthful, or maybe he's feeling faint but a blowjob is a very powerful thing.

He used to think he'd spend his whole life waiting for her in the metaphorical sense. He thought one day she might come backstage to a show or when she's hard pressed for cash she'll write a book about their time together or one day in a Parisian cafe she'll walk in. Part of that was true, but now he waits for her—them—in the literal sense. Or she waits for him.

Lottie and Franny arrived in Montreal yesterday. She wanted to get everything settled and try their best to be caught up in the different time zones before they spent a day walking around the city. Franny can be fussy without her sleep and they're still unsure how she'll react to jetlag. This is her first time on a plane.

Montreal is supposed to be their special day. They'll be going to Boston the next day, something Alex keeps joking about even if Lottie doesn't find it so funny. He keeps saying they'll run into her ex-fiancé and Lottie gets increasingly pissed every time he says it. He won't anymore because the joke is getting old, especially when he's her husband now.

Today is a reunion, although, as always, it's mudded with obligations like a concert in the evening. He'll linger the best he can to avoid being pulled away from them. He's sick of other things taking priority. It's his fault anyway. He brought this suffering on himself.

Back during the start of the tour, Lottie flew out and joined him for the short first leg in North America. It started in Vegas where he initially joked that if Lottie blew on his pair of dice they might get lucky (this sounds like a sexual euphemism but seriously it was just a game of crabs) and then they actually won. They kept doing it until they lost all the betting money and vowed to never gamble again.

Unsurprisingly, in Los Angeles, Lottie wanted to go to as many art museums as possible. He lived in that city for so many years yet he's not sure he saw as much of it as he did with Lottie. She kept going on about how Young Man at His Window by Gustave Caillebotte reminded her of him. Alex still doesn't understand this. The back of the man's head looks nothing like him. As always, Lottie says it's not what you see it's what you feel.

In New York, they went to more museums. She'd never been to The Met so he took her to The Met. It was partially a surprise. He said he wanted to take her somewhere and she wasn't shocked when they landed on The Met steps. She became obsessed with The Costume Institute and kept pointing at garments and shoes, saying, "I'd like you to buy something like that for me." As if Alex is able to obtain a 17th-century wool mantua and as if Lottie would wear it. She sometimes struggles to just wear a skirt.

They returned to London after that, had a week together, and then he left again. She joined him at other points in the tour. She flew with him to Australia, tour dates that were right after Christmas and took place on New Year's Eve. He said it would be bad luck to not be able to kiss one another and since she had never been to Australia, she left Franny with Alex's parents and joined him. 

Montreal is warm but not hot. It's the ideal temperature for walking. Lottie says he gets clinical about those things. She says he sounds like how she has always imagined a father to sound. He's concerned with weather patterns and the best route to get somewhere but struggles to use Google Maps. When he yells at the GPS directions someone else might take that as an overreaction but she laughs every time.

He grabs a coffee before he's driven to the hotel. He sips it quickly knowing that'll mean he will have to pee all day, but he needs it to stay on his feet. Then, he's at the hotel. It's nice, but modest looking. A place with room service but not an extravagant spa.

He opens the hotel room door and it looks empty minus a carry-on suitcase and the kid-sized suitcase they bought for Franny last Christmas. It's pink and has a rainbow butterfly printed on it. Franny fell in love with them when they went to Horniman Butterfly House and one landed on her arm. 

She tells everyone about that. She taps on the spot it landed on her and tells them a butterfly kissed her there. Whenever he sees butterfly or caterpillar imagery, he thinks of Franny. Chrysalis is his new favourite word. His notebook is covered in butterfly stickers. He knows what they eat, the different species, and that they can tell time. 

The bathroom door opens. Lottie stands, still in her pyjamas, smiling. "Oh, hi." She looks like she's just woken up. Her eyes are light and her smile feels like laying your head on a pillow after a long day of work. Her words are spoken with a crackle in them and her hair is occupied with fly-aways. 

He reaches out and pats them down. "Hi." Neither move closer. He holds her cheek in his hand and rubs his thumb along the bone. It feels like he is holding the weight of her. Her skin is blessed with a softness he has only felt elsewhere in Franny's cheeks. "Where's Franny?"

"Sleeping under that pile of blankets. She was cold last night."

"Flight okay?" He asks.

"Yeah. Yours?"

"Yeah." He smiles. "Kiss me."

He wants to feel her lips but doesn't want to move from holding her in any single way. It's perfect and it's smooth and this is all he needs. He'd stay and camp out in this hotel room as long as they didn't leave. He hates himself for ever wanting anything other than this.

When they part, he asks, "Should I wake her?"

Lottie pouts. "Am I no good?" She's needy and if he's been feeling lonely she's probably been feeling it tenfold. He gets to be with his best mates every day and her only freedom is her independent work. She would say he's feeling sorry for her when there's no need to be. She likes her work, she loves being with Francoise, and she has plenty of company in London. He tends to view her as a lone soul but she's had friends in London long before him.

Her bottom lip is jutting out towards him and he feels like a magnet is pulling his hips to her hips. "I don't think you're trying to be." His hand has fallen from one cheek to another. His thumb rubs her waist. She, of course, keeps her hands to herself.

"Sometimes I need attention too, you know." She pulls her face away but moves her hips closer.

He's falling over himself trying to get closer to her. "Yeah, I know how needy you are."

She rips herself away. It's either a game, a joke, or something to prove a point. He can't read that part of her. She goes further into the bathroom over to the sink where she is getting ready. "I'm not needy. You're needy."

That's always been the case. He begs. A lot. He got down on his knees once, placed his hands together, and begged at her knees. They were both laughing the whole time but he still wanted her all the same. 

He moves into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. "Maybe." He wants her. He wants her in every way. He wants to take her up against the sink from behind. He wants her on her knees. He wants to be on his knees. He wants her in the shower. He wants her on the floor. He'll take her to the toilet if he has to. "I missed you."

She brushes her hair and looks at him through the mirror. "Don't get all schmaltzy on me." Her smile quirks in the mirror, much like when they were held up in her Parisian apartment. They spent hours in glances. They felt as sexual as being inside one another. A look meant so much. 

He wishes she was naked now like that morning in January right before they found out she was pregnant. They slept naked. It used to be the only way they did sleep before they had to worry about a child climbing into bed with them. She'd get up and make coffee or tea, sometimes toast or a bagel and she'd never put a piece of cloth on her.

He used to feel so hunched over in his body, desperate to hide parts of himself from the morning light. But she didn't care, so why should he? He would get up behind her body and would be rubbing against her in such a sexual sense but never try anything. It was just nice to feel her skin on his. It felt the same as holding Franny for the first time. It was this precious thing that was somehow chosen to be his.

He'd kiss her shoulder and she'd pour him a cup of coffee. It felt like no one else in the world existed. He didn't want anyone else in the world to exist. It was Lottie and that was it. He hadn't felt that way with anything before, not even the projects he created. It made him believe in God in some way because there was no other way to explain how this worked out for him.

Lottie finds that to be dumb. She doesn't believe in soulmates. Probably because of her mother and the years of loneliness their family had. She doesn't like the idea of someone choosing for her. That there was some fate out of there deciding her every move. She finds it more romantic that two people found each other all by themselves. They worked through everything and made things work because they wanted to for each other. He agrees but still believes that they were shaped into puzzle pieces for each other.

Now, he comes up behind her in the same way. It's his way of reminding her. Remember this. Remember when it was just the two of us in a place smaller than this hotel room. Remember how nothing was between us.

She smirks, knowing what he is going for when his hands bring her butt into his groin. She lowers the brush from her hair and stares at him through the mirror. "What are you doing?"

He leans down and kisses her neck. He wishes she had more bare skin to kiss. "Being needy."

She turns around in his arms. She hooks her arm around his neck and slots her knee in between his legs. "It's too early for that."

He brushes his nose against hers. "It's never too early."

She sighs and lets go, returning to brushing her hair. "Not with Francoise in the next room."

He kisses her clothed shoulder. "Does that mean no sex at all?"

"Not now. Later," she promises. Her smirk tells him she wants it as badly as he does. It's like being a teenager and having to hide from your parents all over again. It reminds him of the excited feeling when the house was empty. Or when he got his first blowjob in the backseat of a car. It makes the idea of sex adventurous all over again. 

Well, except they're in their thirties, they have a kid to take care of, and he only sees her occasionally these days. It's awfully painful for his sex drive, always having to hit the brakes. The end is in sight. He can't wait to pull off the exit and get that blowjob.

"What do you want to do?" He asks.

"Get breakfast first. I only ate a bag of peanuts and a packet of Biscoffs yesterday."

"Why didn't you get dinner after you landed?"

"Too much work. She was already asleep by the time we got to the hotel." She has that habit. He worries she'll wither away one day. She just forgets to eat and then nighttime hits and she's beyond starving. It's something in her DNA and if he's not there she just won't bother with dinner.

"I'll get you a nice breakfast," he promises. He kisses the top of her head before sitting on the closed toilet seat. "What about after? Other than some art museum."

She turns around with a scowl. "Don't mock me."

"I'm not mocking you."

"I like things other than art, you know." She's sensitive about this. He's never gotten to the bottom of why she always feels he's making fun of her when it comes to her love of art. The passion she has for it inspires him. She's educated him and made him fall in love with it too. Still, she's on the defensive.

"Well, all I want to do is go to the art museum," Alex tells her as he slides off his shoes. 

She tosses a smile over her shoulder. She pats her hair down, sweeping it over her shoulders. He watches her and every slight movement she makes. Her legs are bare, she's wearing underwear, a shirt, and a smile. She taps each finger on the marble countertops before she walks over to him and sits on his lap.

Her arms curl around his neck and his arms around her waist. "If you believe me, I missed you."

Alex chuckles. "Yeah. I believe you."

She kisses him with a tight hold. She hops off his lap. "I think you can wake her now. I'm too hungry to wait."

He stands up and kisses her cheek. "Alright, then."

Franny sleeps with these quiet snores. They're cute, not the kind that prevents sleep, the kind that soothes sleep. Her mouth is in a small 'o' shape. Her head hangs back and her hair hangs in two braids, rustled from travelling and sleep.

She likes sleeping more than anything. She whines when anyone wakes her up and clings to the blankets for dear life. Alex's hand covers her back. She's bigger now but still so small. He gives her a light rub, rattling her awake. She groans just like Alex does and rubs her eyes.

"Stop," she tells him.

He chuckles. "Come on, Fran."

Her eyes pop open. Usually, they flutter like those butterflies. She can be slow-moving like a sloth but today she pops up like a rabbit and starts jumping on the bed. "Maman, you were right!" She shouts. Lottie always reminds her, "One sleep until you see papa."

Lottie insists Franny looks like him. Alex knows she's just being polite. She looks exactly like Lottie, besides her hair. Her face is still so small. He can't bear to think of the day she grows old enough to not fit just under his hand. It's getting harder for him to pick her up. Maybe he's the one getting too old with the slight strain in his back.

Franny collapses on top of him, tugging on his neck. He finds himself laughing, so overjoyed by her excitement. "I love planes," she tells him. "Are we going on another one?" That's the best outcome they could have asked for. 

Franny is scared of a lot of things. She grew out of her fear of the vacuum earlier this year, but she's still terrified of thunderstorms, monsters under the bed, Snow White, and grapes (they are still unsure of the origin of the latter). He feels bad for liking it when she has bad dreams because she'll wake them up, usually by tugging one of their hands, and ask to climb in bed with them. They slot her in the middle and that's when he feels they are truly a family. He always wishes to protect them.

They go to a cafe near Mount Royal Park and the Museum of Fine Arts. Franny insists on sitting next to Alex in the booth. Lottie is across from them, on her own little island as she puts it. She looks down at the menu, her hair cascading around her. She brushes one side behind her ear. Alex stares at her, rather than his menu.

Franny tugs on his arm. She got a mean pull for a kid who is only four. "Will you order for me?" He's comforted by this, knowing that while she has grown, for now, she's still his tiny little girl who gets nervous talking to strangers like their waiter. 

Her hair is in fresh braids. Lottie told him that for the past month that's the way she's insisted on wearing her hair. She's got these overalls on. Blue denim with a sunflower embroidered on the front. Underneath she has a white shirt with purple short sleeves, her favourite colour. She smiles up at him, hoping to charm him into getting her all the treats she wants. She still has all her baby teeth, even though she desperately wants to lose one so the tooth fairy will visit her.

"Can you order for me too?" His other girl requests. Lottie is resting her head on her hand. There's pink in her cheeks and a smile that doesn't show her teeth, something she's still insecure about. Her two front teeth are crooked, turned slightly inward toward the other. It's unnoticeable unless you stare at it for an extended period of time. Everyone calls it cute but she says that it's a clear sign she grew up poor.

She wears a white linen blouse that was made for breezy weather. The front of it hangs open enough that he can see the charm of her two necklaces, one with a small blue pendant, the other with St. Michael. Her shoes have a slight heel to them. She jokes that they wear the same shoes, although he would like to point out that they are different sizes.

Lottie gets two eggs and a chocolate crepe, Franny gets waffles, Alex gets another coffee and Franny's leftovers. He cuts her waffles for her because she still hasn't mastered the grip of a knife. He tries to sneak a bite of Lottie's crepe but she slaps his hand away. "Get your own."

Right after they relocated to London and all of Lottie's things mixed with all of Alex's things, they had the question of possession. In other words, he learned Lottie likes to claim things. They shared shirts, kitchen utensils, and shampoo, but while Alex lost track of what fork was originally owned by who, Lottie still refers to things as yours and mine. 

Her possessive pronoun usage was exact. She calls the bed they share your bed, she calls their dining table my table. When she was further along in her pregnancy and refused to buy ugly maternity clothes, she took to wearing more of his clothes. It only lasted for about a month. She's a tad smaller than him but he's no six-foot giant. She still wears some of his jeans to this day and will say, "I'm going to wear your jeans" just like she did back at the hotel.

He doesn't know why she does this. Maybe because English is her second language or she spent her whole childhood getting hand-me-downs from her brother. Either way, what once confused him, now is just amusing. It might be his favourite of her quirks.

"On the plane ride here, Francoise and I watched Toy Story 2," Lottie says to him, but she's prompting Franny to talk. Franny's quiet and keeps to herself. He recognizes that to be a quality she inherited from him. She often hesitates but she differs from him. Once you give her permission to talk, she rambles.

"What'd you think, Fran?" He asks.

She finishes chewing her waffle. She's a proper young lady. "I liked it a lot. It was funny, it was scary. I liked Jessie the best but I want a Woody doll or a piggy bank. I can put my tooth fairy money in there. I don't think my toys come to life. They're too lazy. But it was a good movie. Maman cried but I didn't. I still give it a thumbs up." She gestures the thumbs up with a head shake before returning to her waffle bits.

Alex contains his laughter. "I'll have to see it then, especially if it made maman cry."

"Shush," Lottie signals.

"We can watch it tonight!" Franny suggests with a big smile.

Lottie answers for him, "We're going to papa's concert tonight, remember?"

"Oh, yeah!" She excitedly tosses her head back and forth. Her braids jiggle around like two jump ropes playing a game of double Dutch. "I like your concerts."

It's a genuine compliment, Franny still doesn't know how to give fake ones. She told him after the first show she saw that she found him to be too loud and that they should turn the volume down. Still, she danced around like the music was being played just for her. She's never been to any other concerts and says she wants to go to more.

For her third birthday, Lottie gifted Franny a toy microphone. She didn't like it and handed it to Alex instead because he'd use it. Franny doesn't like singing or the guitar or even banging on drums. She doesn't like loud things.

She's quiet and conserves her energy. She likes the flowers they grow in the backyard. She likes to paint with her maman. She likes doing somersaults in the grass. She likes the smell of honey. She would one day like to bake cookies by herself, but she's too young to turn on the oven. She's a flower child.

They walk over to the Fine Art Museum, Franny swinging between them. "You know, this is the oldest art museum in Canada," Lottie says.

Alex nods. "I did my research."

Lottie rolls her eyes, convinced he's pulling her leg. "You did not."

"Yes, I did." Alex quickly nods. "I got one of those Blue Planet books."

Still not believing him, she says, "No, you did not." He snorts at her jaw dropped open, the disbelief smothering her face.

"How else would I know where Leonard Cohen is buried?"

"'Cause you're a dork."

He's baffled at the accusation, tapping his chest. "I'm a dork?" This is coming from the woman who has a membership at nearly every art museum in London despite the majority of them being free. 

"I'm a dork," Franny cheers. She eases tensions. She came along so early in their relationship that it's hard to judge how their dynamic would have developed without Franny. Alex has no doubt they'd still be together but things would be different without her.

He imagines Lottie would join him for more legs of the tour if they didn't have to worry about Franny, but that's probably not true. Lottie has a job that she's passionate about. She's more filled with drive and love for it than he has seen anyone else in any other profession. She loves observing art, she loves writing about art, she loves creating art.

They'd probably still be in Paris. Lottie agreed to move to London because Alex had a larger living situation there that would fit a growing family. Her boss had friends in London that he recommended Lottie for, allowing her to make the move.

He knows she longs for it. London isn't her favourite. But Franny loves it and Alex loves being home and she's willing to make that sacrifice for them. He worries that he's allowed her to give up so much. One day she'll see that she's let go of things she's loved for him and she'll hate him for it. They've fought about it before. They'll probably fight about it again. 

But she does love it there. She loves their house and their neighborhood. She loves that she's four blocks away from Leah and on the corner of their street is her favourite bakery. She loves the London art scene and she loves that she has enough space to make her art. She loves the way people admire her slight French accent and finds her to be cool from that alone. She hasn't felt cool most of her life.

However, he knows she misses her mother. She has friends in Paris that she rarely sees now. She only speaks her mother tongue to their four-year-old. For that, he'll always feel guilty.

"I've always wanted to go to Monet's garden," Lottie says as they stand in front of A Cliff at Pourville in the Morning. "It's only about an hour outside Paris, in Giverny, yet I never went."

Franny's eyes gaze up at the painting completely lost in it. She's getting to the age when she understands the beauty in these things. She'll marvel at it and understand the gravity of what is in front of her. Or she's just copying her mother, she likes doing that too.

"We can go when we go to Paris in December," he offers. 

"It's closed in the winter."

He can't control the weather and yet it feels like he should be able to. He wants so badly to give her what she wants but it feels like it falls flat all the time. Every gesture falls at her feet with a disappointed thud. A gift she is forced to fix all the broken pieces he created.

Lottie bends down to Franny's ear. She grabs her arms, holding her in place. "Do you like this one?"

She rapidly nods her head.

"It's an exchange between the ocean and the sky," she talks to Franny like she's an adult. "The fleeting beauty of dawn before day sweeps it all away." Alex doubts Franny knows what dawn is but she nods along enthusiastically.

They move quickly, not soaking in nearly enough art as he's sure Lottie would want. They have a tight schedule before they have to be at the venue. He'd apologize for it but he knows she'll be more annoyed by that than actually having to leave the museum. 

They take a walk through Mount Royal Park. Lottie takes pictures of Franny as she goes up the Grand Staircase. Franny taps her shoe on each stair. She likes to hear it knock against the wood, the crick each step makes. She stands proudly at the top of the stairs with her hands proudly tugging on her overall straps. You'd think she climbed the mountain itself with how much pride she and her parents have.

She doesn't like to walk on the established path, so she decides to walk ahead of her parents on the grass. Alex walks with his hands in his pockets. Lottie walks with her tote bag over her shoulder and a light-knit black sweater in case it gets cold (it never does).

"Does it remind you of France?" Alex asks.

"Um." She thinks for a moment, looking around at the greenery. "No." She doesn't explain further and Alex doesn't ask for more. "Does it remind you of France?"

Alex chuckles. "You'd know better than me."

She shrugs. "Maybe I'm too snobbish or too filled with nostalgia to decide whether this does measure up with France."

"A little, but maybe it's just the French part."

"You gonna go se branler in the bushes?"

He tosses his head back. "Hush."

She giggles and moves closer to him, knocking shoulders with him. "I think Francoise likes it more than either of us." The little girl is examining flowers, sprouting between the grass and the concrete. She doesn't pluck one, just looks at it from all angles.

"I wish I had an attention span like both of you," Alex says. He tries for both of them but staring at a painting as long as Lottie does is a near-impossible task. Franny has inherited all of those traits. He loves it, but there's no way he can do it.

Lottie curls her arm around him. "You have other talents." 

He raises an eyebrow. "Like?"

"We are going to your sold-out concert, Al. There's no need to be modest."

"I'm not trying to be."

She smiles. "I know." She brushes the side of his head, pushing back his hair off of his forehead. "You have blinders on to all your achievements. You forget that you're the most talented person I know."

He scoffs. "Don't lie to me."

"You don't have to believe me. Just think of all the people that are probably jealous of you."

He tosses his head from side to side. That convinces him. She giggles and kisses his cheek.

Leonard Cohen's grave is covered in small stones. Some are painted, some have writing on them, some are blank. It's weird. It's someone he's admired all of his adult life and he's right in front of him, buried in the ground. He doesn't think about death much, but he's thinking about it now.

He hasn't been to many cemeteries. Lottie has been to more than she can count. France is covered in them. She used to walk through Cimetière du Père-Lachaise with her mother every Saturday, finding a new corner of it. Her mother also had a thing for Jim Morrison.

Alex wonders if they should have brought Franny here. If she knows enough about life and death to understand what stands before her. As always, she's well-behaved, admiring the sculptures that stand above the gravestones. 

Cohen is buried with three generations of his family. He thinks that's what he'd like. He'd like to be buried in the same coffin as Lottie, disintegrate into one another. That would probably disgust her. She hates the smell of fish. He can't imagine how she'd react to rotting flesh.

Still, he thinks about losing this one day. He'd like to go before her, of course. He probably couldn't function without her. Poor Franny would have to take care of him, remind him of his appointments, tell him to take his meds, and remind him that the sun still exists. So, he'll go first. He smokes and drinks more than her anyway so it'll probably work out that way. He should stop thinking about this now. 

"You want to go to the Basilica now?" He asks her. 

She smiles softly. It feels like a kiss upon his soul. A blessing he feels so lucky to receive. "Sure."

The bus is close to empty but they sit in the back because Franny likes that it's higher than the rest of the bus. She used to like sitting on one of their laps when riding public transit but she doesn't like that now. She likes to be viewed as a big girl but she wants to sit between her parents so she can touch both of them.

She rests her head on Lottie's shoulder. She's growing tired of all this walking. They aren't doing funny little kid things here but he promises that they'll do it in Boston. Lottie already plans to have fancy afternoon tea at the Boston Public Library, which Franny is already super excited about.

The altar of the basilica is centered by a golden Jesus. The spires strain Lottie's neck as she gazes up at them. He tries to figure out what the wood carving below Jesus is for so long until Lottie tells him it's a high relief of the Last Supper. His eyesight is getting pretty bad.

The spiral staircases captivate Franny. She wants to climb and descend them, waving her hand like she's a royal. Alex wants to know about the organs. There are thousands of pipes, varying from some of the tiniest he's ever seen to the biggest. He's definitely a dork.

He leans next to Lottie's ear and whispers, "They've got some big pipes here."

She laughs in anticipation. "Don't you dare make a sex joke in a church."

Alex contains his laughter. "Wouldn't be the first time."

They walk along the St. Lawrence River because Lottie likes the water and Franny likes quays with ships docked in them. She becomes occupied in her own world. She likes running ahead but not out of sight. She's too well-behaved, it's strange.

Alex holds Lottie's hand. "If I die—"

"Jesus, Al!" She drops his hand, already shaming him for bringing it up. "I don't like talking about that."

"Fine, if you die—"

"Stop it."

"It's a serious question. I'm curious."

She frowns and crosses her arms. "Fine."

"Would you want to be buried in Paris?"

She shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about this now."

"Okay."

Franny tugs on his hand. He looks down and she pats her stomach. "I'm hungry."

They walk down Saint-Paul Street, stopping at a place called Modavie because Franny likes the live jazz music that's flooding out onto the streets. The kind they listened to when they were building the crib in what would be Franny's room. Well, he built the crib, Lottie yelled the instructions at him.

The room was painted lemon and the rocking chair in the corner was an old wood with a pink seating pad. It had been the same chair Lottie was rocked to sleep in. They never used it; instead, they always sat out on the couch. They finally got some use out of it when Franny was old enough to climb in on her own and rock it back and forth.

While Franny said she was hungry, it's actually Alex, who had only eaten scraps of waffles and two coffees. The place is too nice for a quick meal before the show but it's French and he likes the sound of lamb chops. Franny gets calamari because she likes the pronunciation and she's had it before so they know she won't hate it. Lottie gets mussels and fries because Brussels.

Lottie orders for them in French. The waiter says something back to her that makes her laugh but Alex has no clue. He's tried to learn more but he hasn't practiced on the road. It's not his fault his own private tutor won't come with him.

They don't talk. It's far too loud to hear each other over the music, which is nice, but he'd prefer conversation over it. Lottie leans over and whispers straight into his ear, "I bet you she likes this more than your show."

He turns to speak into her ear. His skin brushes against hers. His stubble scratches her jawbone and his lips lightly touch her earlobe. "Yeah, this one has food and mine will be 'too loud.'"

Lottie turns back to his ear. "It's good. I want her to protect her ears." Alex agrees but he's almost certain this jazz band will do more damage to her ears than his band. Their table is right near the stage. Her ears are so close to the saxophone.

Franny pops calamari into her mouth so quickly he worries she'll choke. Granted, he does inhale the lamb chops. Lottie hasn't even had a fry yet by the time he's finished. He snags one of them and she allows it. She then drops a mussel shell into his lap just because she wants to see him squirm. (He does and she giggles almost as loud as the music).

They take the metro to the venue, Bell Centre, or Centre Belle as Lottie calls it because she's French and difficult. The second they step on the platform and wait for the 2 train Alex asks, "Is there something special about Montreal trains I should know?" He speaks quietly so as to not expose his shame.

He truly never got the hang of the doors of Paris's Metro. Either it took him too many tries to open or his arm would get ripped off, eventually, he refused to do it and forced Lottie to do it every time or they wouldn't get off the train. She'd laugh hysterically. 

The last time they were there and Lottie was sad they were leaving, Alex opened the door to cheer her up. He tripped and almost fell face-first on the platform. Suddenly, Lottie wasn't so upset anymore.

Now, she laughs at his question. "I don't know. I've never been here before."

"We'll just have Francoise take care of everything," he says.

She smiles and leans her head on his shoulder as they wait. Franny is holding his hand. He doesn't care how long the train takes. This is a nice place to be.

When it comes powering through the station, Franny jumps up and down, beyond excited by the mode of transport. The doors automatically open and Franny leads the way, hopping on the train. She sits on Alex's lap because it's only two seats per row and she doesn't want anyone to be separated. She kicks her feet out and the heel of her shoes beats against his shins.

"These are sleek," Lottie says while looking around the train car.

"Much nicer than London," he says. Lottie rolls her eyes. "What?" He asks.

"This is what happens with a French regime," she says.

He makes an amused noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. "What? Nicer subways?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. What was Toronto's metro like?"

"I didn't go on it," he says. "Are we comparing French imperialism and British imperialism right now?"

"No, I'm just saying it's a nice subway."

"Okay."

It's silent between them for a moment. Another train whooshes past and they stop at Station Côte-Vertu. Once the doors close and the train sets in motion again Lottie says, "Not everything is a jab against you."

His eyes widen. He didn't think they were fighting. He needs to be more aware of his tone. Lottie tells him that all the time. "I never said it was."

She rolls her eyes and turns away, looking out the window. He stares at her. She reflects onto the window, her soul staring back at him. He's thinking of her blue bandana and those sunglasses that she used to hide herself with. He thinks of that saddle bag. All those saddlebags that have been left behind in Paris like shedding a piece of who she used to be. 

She is every version she's ever been right in front of his eyes. He knows every stretch of her. He memorized it long ago back when they were in Brussels. He was dumb then but he knew that there would be a chance he'd never see her again. So, he brushed his finger on every nanometer of her and swore he would remember it. Has she forgotten that? He's overthinking, he knows. Besides—

"This is our stop," she says. 

They walk off the train and up the metro steps. They make it one block before she tells him at a red traffic light, "I'm going to go to the cathedral for a bit."

It's clearly not an invitation for him to come. "Okay."

"You keep Francoise," she requests. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course."

She bends down and kisses Franny's cheek. She rises to his level and does the same. It's rushed. She says her goodbyes as she tries to make it across the street before the light changes. "I'll see you in an hour."

Then, it's just Franny's hand in his. She tugs on it. "Dad. The light's green."

He nods. "Right." They make their way across the street and Lottie isn't in view anymore, already ducked in Mary, Queen of the World Cathedral. He wonders if Lottie ever prays. She's not religious—that was beaten out of her by the nuns at her Catholic school—but she loves all places of worship. He knows this comes from being an aesthete but something about the Catholics always draws her back. He'll have to ask her.

Franny skips through the venue halls. "It's big."

"Yeah."

"It's bigger than me."

"I think it might be." 

He picks her up and she's squealing and flinging her arms and legs around. He made those legs and arms, well, half of her, maybe just the right arm and left leg. Still, it hits him sometimes just as hard as the way her heels kick against him.

He releases her and she goes off giggling. He can't tell if she enjoyed today or not. She enjoyed it enough not to complain about it, which is a relief to him. She can whine. She may be well-behaved and not throw tantrums but she's still four and has a habit of whining and crying and tugging on his arm until he gives in because he always seems to give in.

Franny hangs out backstage while they do soundcheck. He comes back to her drawing with crayons on a coffee table and sipping on a juice box. Lottie still isn't back. He squats down to sit on the couch with the crack of his knees. "Whatcha working on, lady?"

She lifts up the paper featuring a purple creation resembling a butterfly. "I'm not finished."

His grin is unstoppable. He loves all these little creations. They're plastered all around their home from her first work (her handprints) to the latest craze (butterflies). He'll have to make sure this one is packed away safely. "I'm liking it so far."

Alex leans back and watches her. The stroke of her crayon is wild and unstoppable but somehow lands in the form of butterfly wings. She stops, takes a sip of her juice box, and asks, "Are you ever coming home?" 

His eyebrows jump and an ache hangs upon his heartstrings. This has gone on too long, he's known this. He knows Lottie shields him from this. It's impossible that Franny doesn't ask why he's gone for so long or that she misses him. "Yeah. In about a month. I'm sorry."

She shrugs and continues drawing. "It's fine. I like mummy a lot."

There's remorse in his smile, but he tells her, "Me too." He can't remember the last time he and Franny were alone together like this. There were plenty of times at home when it was just the two of them but he can't recall the last time the two went somewhere together. Every museum, every playdate, every grocery trip has been handled by Lottie. He can't remember the last time Lottie did something by herself.

It makes him want to slap himself like no shit, not everything is about you. Except it kind of is. He has been the reason she hasn't gotten a moment to herself. She locks things behind a door and says what's going on behind the door is so much fun, but he's never been on the other side of the door so he doesn't know the full truth.

"What juice are you drinking?" He asks.

Franny holds the box up. Elmo faces him with wide arms and a big, wide-open-mouthed smile. "Apple. Want some?" She walks over with the box and holds it out to him.

He almost says no but she pushes it toward him, willing him to take it. His mouth covers the tiny straw and he can't remember the last time he had apple juice but Elmo has good taste. "You can have the rest," she decides. Franny leaves the box with him and trots back to her drawing station.

"Thanks, Fran." He continues to sip on it. The tiny size of it and his hands back him feel like when Franny was a baby. It makes him remember Franny still is a baby and he should savour this time rather than worrying about not having that time back. 

He leans his elbows on his knees and drinks the juice. The taste makes him think of his childhood home and how his mum used to give out apple juice boxes whenever his friends came over. Now, well, he's still drinking them.

"Hitting the hard stuff?" Lottie asks as she walks in. She looks brighter as if she went to the beach and got a tan. She's joking, she's smiling, she sits right next to Franny and kisses her left cheek and then her right cheek from behind.

Alex chuckles and places the empty box on the table. "Just trying to calm the nerves. How was the cathedral?"

Her cheeks look like they ache. "It was lovely. The statues, the paintings, the cupola. I'll show you pictures later."

It makes him nearly as happy as her, though that doesn't seem possible to meet. "That's great. I'm excited."

Lottie wraps her arms around Franny's stomach and hugs her back to her chest. "No you're not," she brushes off, looking down at Franny's paper.

He furrows his brows. "I'm not lying."

She looks up, smiles, and does a single nod. "Okay."

Alex can't see them when he's onstage. He imagines they are either dancing or Franny has fallen asleep. He tries not to think about it much when he's playing. It makes him too nervous. He feels the need to be impressive and grab their attention. Plus, if he messes up and falls on his face in front of Lottie she'll make fun of him forever. She'll mock him later anyway.

After the first show she went to on the tour, she stood up on the bed with a bare chest, only wearing his boxers, and started imitating him with a crooner voice and all. Her impersonations aren't just for the present day. In the shower, she'll comb her hair back to look like she's slapped a pound of gel in it and do a horrible impression of him in 2013. She can't sing so it's pretty funny to watch.

When the show ends he waits for them by Franny's purple butterfly drawing. They open the door with Lottie giving Franny a piggyback ride and Franny shouting, "You were great!"

"Really?" He asks, hands on his hips as they reach him. He grabs Franny and holds her on his hip. Her braids have been messed with like she was thrashing in a mosh pit.

"You weren't too loud or quiet. Just right!" She emphasizes her opinion with her hands, adding punctuation with each word.

"Well, thank you, Goldilocks." Alex's eyes shift to Lottie. "Mama bear?"

Lottie wrinkles her nose. "Ew, don't call me that." She cackles loudly as if he's the first person who has ever told her a joke. "You were lovely. Very energetic but not overtly."

He's not sure what she exactly means but he takes it with a chuckle. He takes a big yawn, throwing his head back for extra emphasis. He looks at the little girl. "I'm tired. Are you tired, Franny?" 

Lottie makes a pointed look at him. "Francoise, remember?"

"Francoise," he corrects.

Franny giggles and clutches his neck tightly. "You guys are funny."

"Francoise." Alex pops her on his hips, making her laugh more. "What do you think about hanging with Matt and Amanda?"

She shrugs. "I guess so. They want to be my friends soooooo badly."

Lottie has to turn around her as laughter bursts out of her, lips flapping, and in desperate need of taking a deep breath. Alex turns his face to the side, not wanting to laugh straight into Franny's face.

"What?" Franny questions, having no idea of the hilarity of her words.

Lottie covers her mouth as she looks back. Her words come out muffled as she says, "Nothing, honey. You'll have a great time with them."

Alex can't control himself and has to place Franny down in order to contain his laughter. Franny ends up running over to Matt and tugging on his arm saying how excited she is to hang out like they're two guys getting beers together.

On the ride back to the hotel, Lottie nearly falls asleep against the window. She would have if the van hadn't hit a speed bump and knocked her head up against the glass. She walks into the hotel hanging off his side. She bends down and hugs Franny good night before bidding farewell to the rest of the group and escaping into their hotel room where she promptly rushes into the room, kicks off her shoes, and takes her clothes off.

"Geez," Alex says at the sight. "Are you rushing to bed or just excited to see me?"

She moves over to him and kisses him full on the lips. He nearly falls over. His arms flailing at his sides. He feels like he's hallucinating from exhaustion. "Excited to see you." She's unlatching her bra and throwing it at him. The sight of naked boobs should arouse him but leaves him as perplexed as when a woman threw a bra at him in Athens.

"Alrighty. Were you not just about to fall asleep two seconds ago?"

She rolls her eyes, sits on the edge of the bed, and takes off her socks. "It's called putting on a show, Alex," she says to him like he's their four-year-old daughter.

"Right."

"If Francoise thinks I'm tired, she will believe she should be tired. She fully believes my bedtime is 8:30 and that I don't stay up watching television until midnight. It works every time so you should work on your tired look for the next time."

Alex blinks slowly, still fully dressed. "I am tired."

"Oh." She's sitting in her underwear. She sits up straight and crosses her arms. "So, you didn't pawn off our daughter to have sex with me."

"Well," he sheds his jacket and tosses it on the sofa chair, "I never said that. I'm not an idiot."

She smirks and stands up. "I know." She turns her back to him and slowly begins to pull off her panties. Alex rushes to grab her hips and do it himself. He crashes into her, forcing a giggle out of her and landing them flat on the housekeeping-made bed. "Stop. You're gonna break one of my ribs."

He lifts himself, allowing her to breathe again. He stands up and begins to remove clothing items starting with his shoes. Lottie flips her body to look straight at him while he does this. She bites her thumbnail like she needs something between her teeth while she waits for him.

She then takes him off guard, "Do you jerk off?"

He's kicking his trousers off when she asks this, stopping with them pooling around his ankles. "Why do you want to know?"

She shrugs. "I'm just curious. That's all." There's something more to it because if Lottie there's always something more. She's made with ulterior motives.

Alex steps out of his pants. He smirks as he stands over her. His penis hanging near her cunt. "You want me to jerk off."

"What?" She awkwardly giggles. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't," she insists. "I was just curious if you had time for that kind of thing."

He chuckles at her. "Lot, I've got plenty of time to se branler."

She reaches out to slap his stomach, right above his evidence. "Shut up. What kind of foreplay is this?"

Alex stares at her in disbelief. "You asked the question!"

"Did you forget how to have sex? Is that how long we've been apart?"

He rolls his eyes. And just to see her squirm he asks, "Do you watch porn?"

Her jaw drops. "Shut up!" After that, he does because it's much more fun to fuck your wife than to talk about fucking your wife.

The first time they had sex after having Franny, Lottie wanted to go slow. It was foreign and sore and filled with uncertainty for the first time in their relationship. But it was a lovely affair, a reunion of sorts. 

This is different. It's a reunion but it's quick and attacking. He feels like they're a step away from eating each other (and not in the eating out kind of way). He's in her and they're together on the edge of the bed, their feet hanging off onto the floor, but neither makes a move to decide whether they should fuck on the bed or the floor.

And they're embarrassingly loud. Or at least she is. He can't keep track of himself. All he knows is he's moaning in her ear and the volume could be a small whisper or a full release. It's like when they were stuck in her Paris apartment that was so tiny you had to fuck in such a confined space and it might have been the hottest sex they ever had because of that.

He feels sweaty for the first time that night. Her hands are grasping on his shoulders, imprinting fingernail crescent cuts. He pushes his mouth directly next to her ear. "What if we had another baby?"

She pushes him up off of her chest, desperate for air, for some release from this heat. "You carry it." Yeah, he probably shouldn't be asking for things like that. He's barely been around this past year for the one they already have.

"Sorry," he pathetically mumbles.

She's not listening. She's busy getting ready to come. "Just fuck me." She's sick of him. He's convinced. 

But at least he can fuck her. He knows he's good at that with the way she moves, arches, and clamps around him. She pushes him back further and tells him, "Jerk off now."

He listens, obedient as always to her orders, and pulls out. He would have come on the carpet, completely unsure of where to dispose of himself, but she gets down on her knees and opens her mouth. He moves closer. "Don't put it in my mouth," she says.

He lays the tip on her bottom lip, which seems to be okay with her. His fist is quick because he feels he'll burst into flames at the sight of her right now if he doesn't come into her mouth. So, he does. It takes him a while to relax and he's unsure if she swallows it or spits it into the wastebasket.

Lottie throws her hair up and stretches her back in front of him, bending back and forward. He feels old all the time, it rarely registers that she's the same age as him. She’s getting older too. She's more youthful than him, that's for sure. There's a reason women live longer than men. 

She laughs at him still catching his breath as she hides herself under the blankets, waiting for him. "Come here," she reaches out.

He straightens out. "I'm coming. I'm coming."

She curls her lips, refraining from the sex joke. He stretches out on his stomach beside her. She has to tuck him in. It's cozy and soft. She moves him like a doll by grabbing his arm and curling it over her stomach. He moves closer and lies his head on his shoulder, brushing his nose against her jugular.

She moves down and even with his eyes closed he feels her eyes gazing at him. Her breath is so close to his. The tip of her nose carefully brushes his. "I missed you."

He slowly opens his eyes. He longs for her so much. He doesn't think he could've survived another day without her. She's as necessary as food and water. It's a hunger and a desire but it's sustenance and nourishment. Yet, he chose to starve himself. "I'm sorry for doing this to you."

She grows concerned, shifting over to her side. Her brows furrow and she is completely lost. She puts her hand on his upper arm, rubbing it in a soothing manner. "Doing what?"

"Being away. Being absent. Taking things away from you."

She shakes her head with confusion. "You gave me my whole life, Al."

"I gave you a whole different life."

"I'm quite happy with the life I have," she assures him. He goes through phases like this before where he covers himself in self-doubt. But this is different. There's a reason to be concerned because it's hard to question what is in front of your eyes, it's easy to question what you don't see.

"You've given up too much, Lot."

She doesn't refute him. She looks around but doesn't make eye contact with him. She's thinking. She gives his arm a squeeze to calm him. "I'm a very lucky girl." She hesitates before deciding to tell him the truth, "But I sometimes get jealous of you. I give in to you a lot and it's my own decision. You didn't force me into this. I'm going to spend my whole life missing out on things but I don't want to miss out on you. Believe me, I'm very happy right now."

She curls closer to him, needing the comfort, needing the love, needing him. He tries to soothe her the best you can. "I'm gonna take care of you for the rest of my life."

"I believe you."

He's never been great at compromise. He's gotten his way. Lottie gives in. She's the one willing to give things up. It's his turn. It should have been from the beginning. "Do you want to move to Paris?"

She gives him a small smile and a light shake of the head. "I just want you to come home."

"We should spend every summer in Paris. Get a little place there."

"I have work," she points out.

He groans and falls on his back. "Fuck work."

She giggles and lands on top of his chest, lying there. "I appreciate the sentiment though."

Alex brushes her arm. "I'm going to give you what you want. I promise. I'll learn French, I swear."

She kisses his cheek, a smile placed on his skin. "Thank you. I just want us all to be back in our home."

It grows quiet, both just feeling the other's presence, relaxing into it for the first time in forever. Her skin is so soft and her body is a comforting warmth on his skin. A feeling he's felt since the first night he slept beside her. They keep each other close because there's no other way of doing it.

Lottie breaks through the quiet. "Are we going to sleep naked?"

He grins with closed lips and turns to her. "Like the good ol' days."

"Something like it."

He squeezes her butt and she teases the skin around his dick but never touches it. They fall asleep a half hour later. He always thought it was bullshit that people slept better in the presence of someone else but it's true.

Then, there's a knock at the door. He awakes before the noise gets to Lottie. The room is dark and he stubs his toe on one of the bed's legs. He manages to find boxers to throw on before opening the door. It's early and he might be sleepwalking. His eyes squint and he manages to make out the sight of Matt with Franny in his arms.

"What's wrong?" Franny is curled into Matt's shoulder so peaceful looking that she could almost be asleep but she clearly isn't. Her eyes stare straight at him.

Matt looks tired. He's in his pyjamas too. "Bad dream. Sorry for waking you but she's too scared and I just thought..."

Not wanting to trouble Matt more, he reaches out and takes Franny from him. She grabs his neck so tightly she's almost choking him. "Don't worry. Thanks. Sorry about all this."

Matt shakes his head and pats Alex's arm before shuffling his feet back to his own room.

Alex quietly closes the door as best as he can. He whispers to Franny, "You okay?"

"Just don't leave," Franny tells him.

He rubs his hand up her back, holding her the same way he used to burp her. "I'm right here," he reminds her. She squeezes him tightly just to make sure. He reciprocates, holding him close to him. "Mum's still asleep."

She nods against his neck. "I'll be quiet. Swear."

"I know you will." He carries her to their bed, lying her between them. Her arms stay curled around him. He rubs his hand up and down in the hope she will fall asleep before he does.

"I'm happy you're here," she whispers to him.

He smiles because for once he is here. "Me too."

*

a/n: did not think it would be this long. i didn't think i'd ever write another part to this but i wrote the first 3k words in pencil on random sheets of paper and then the rest just happened. i hope it translates well.

[getaandlucius]

A brief taste of honey (Geta love story)

Summary: Geta is recovering from his injuries. Lucius must go to war again.

Previous parts: part 1, part 2, part 3, Part 4, Part 5, part 6

"Who is Arishat?"

Lucius blinked. Slowly, a pair of intense brown eyes swam into view. He had not regained full awareness of his surroundings, and it took immense effort to translate his thoughts into words.

"Mmm." Lucius groaned softly as he turned on his back and stretched out his arms above his head. Of course, Geta did not know about her. Who would have told him?

"You... said her name. In your sleep," Geta clarified.

Lucius nodded. "She was my wife. She died in the invasion of Numidia." He rubbed his chest. "She was shot. In the ribs. Drowned soon after."

Geta stayed silent for a while. Then, quietly, "I'm really sorry, Lucius." Something in Geta's tone surprised him and made him turn his head. The sincerity in it. Perhaps he recognized, remembered the feeling of loss.

"It's okay."

There was a time he would have blamed Geta for killing her. But knowing him and his brother for longer, he understood the way they ruled. Like kids. Ignorant, with no idea of the consequences of their actions nor the lives lost and affected. Bitterness still filled his heart remembering how he had felt.

Geta shook his head. "It is not. And I am sorry."

Lucius could feel his throat close up, so he just gave a nod, quickly blinking away tears.

"What was she like?"

Lucius did not reply right away.

"If you want to share, of course."

"It's okay." He frowned. "She was... strong. Independent. A great fighter." He stared at the ceiling. "Never allowed me to protect her."

Geta's fingers slid into his curls, stayed there until he began playing with them. It startled Lucius; Geta had not done this before. Never touched him in such a way.

"It, ehm..." He cleared his throat. "It drove me nuts, to be honest."

"That doesn't surprise me," Geta said, lazily winding a curl around his middle finger. "You miss her?"

"Very much." Lucius looked away from him. He could feel Geta's eyes burning in the back of his head.

Geta came closer, his warm breath fanning over the side of his neck. He then ghosted his lips over the shell of Lucius' ear.

"I can't bear it when you're sad," he said, his voice solemn and low. Then he sighed and lowered his head, tucking it between Lucius' chin and shoulder. Lucius did not know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything, just focused on Geta's heartbeat drumming against the side of his ribcage.

"What about your brother? How are you coping with his absence?" Lucius asked, feeling guilty he’d gone so long without asking. Geta said nothing for a long time.

"I feel half-human without him."

Lucius squeezed his arm.

"I'm sorry too."

Geta nodded. Then he added, "I know you were right when you said he would kill me if it came to it." Geta turned his face inwards, talking to the skin of Lucius' neck. "I knew you were right, and that's why I struck you." Geta was crying now.

Lucius nodded. "I assumed so."

Geta swallowed. "I would have never been able to kill him. Never. Not even if I would lose my mind."

Lucius nodded again, looking down at him. Geta was softer than most people gave him credit for.

"How are your wounds?" Lucius asked after letting him cry for a while, changing the subject. "Are they still hurting badly?" Geta nodded without looking at him. "Sometimes less than other times."

"When does it hurt the most?"

"When I sit up, or when I accidentally turn on my stomach."

"Can I see?"

"The wounds?"

"Mm-mm."

"No."

"Why?"

"It's ugly. I don't want you to see it."

"Do you think I care if it's ugly?"

"I care. It looks gross."

"It's not healed yet."

"It will scar. Pius said the scars will be the size of my hand."

"It bothers you?"

"Yes. It does."

"It doesn't matter to me."

"It's not about that. I liked the way I looked. I liked my skin. It will never be like that again. Every time I see my reflection, I will be reminded of terror. It bothers me."

Lucius propped himself up on one elbow, searching Geta's eyes. "I'll teach you how to fight. We'll get you healthy again." He insisted.

Geta shook his head, his cheeks still damp from previous tears. "I will never be the same again. I'll never walk around these halls the same man."

Lucius frowned. "You don't know that."

"Mmm. I do."

Lucius adjusted so he was in the same position again, with Geta's head resting against his shoulder. "We'll take it a day at a time, alright?"

Geta sighed and didn't reply. When Lucius looked down, his eyes were closed again.

"You want to sleep?"

"Yeah."

Lucius brought his hand to Geta's face, letting it rest there protectively. "Sleep then," he said.

Geta murmured something unintelligible. Lucius adjusted a little and yawned himself, letting his eyelids close too. Unexpectedly, he was off in a heartbeat.

When he woke again, it was hot and early in the afternoon. Sunlight streamed through the open window, and his thin tunic clung to his damp torso. Geta’s arm was draped across his chest, his body tucked gently against him. He was lying on his side, deeply asleep. That was good—he probably needed it.

Lucius carefully lifted Geta’s arm off his chest and slid away from him. Geta's breathing remained heavy, his arm falling limp on the bed, palm flat against the mattress. Lucius pressed a kiss on his arm before standing up, leaving him to sleep undisturbed. It had never felt right to leave him, but it was becoming harder and harder the more time he spent with him—like a fabric being pulled tighter with every thread.

If he could, he would have stayed with him all day, all week, making sure his heart kept beating steadily, kissing him, caressing him. But this was not the time. Geta needed his rest to recover, and Lucius had a battle to plan.

----

That night Lucius entered the dining hall. Geta was already sitting at the main table, clearly just awake, looking a bit disheveled with his hair sticking out all over the place.

"I will leave in two weeks," Lucius said, sitting down.

Geta looked up with sleepy eyes. "How long will you be gone?"

"I expect around three or four weeks."

Geta nodded. "Okay."

"When I get back, we’ll start our training sessions, yes?"

"Yes."

"Good. In the meantime," Lucius added, "I want you to be careful and stay in bed most of the time. You can have my quarters to yourself. If you’re in pain, tell one of the guards and they’ll get Pius or Ravi. I know you’ll get bored, but please do not go roaming around the gardens or do anything Pius hasn’t advised you to do."

Geta grinned and took a sip of wine. "Okay, father."

Lucius shook his head. "I’m serious."

"I know you are. When are you not?"

"Mmm..." Lucius knitted his brows together. "True."

"I like your solemness. Don’t worry."

Lucius took a bite of his food. "I’ll make sure you have enough to read. I heard you like to read."

Geta nodded, letting his teeth sink into a piece of chicken. "I do, thank you."

Lucius smiled. Watching Geta eat was one of his favorite things in the world.

They finished their meal in a comfortable silence.

After dinner, Lucius went looking for Marcus for the most recent reports on developments along the trade routes.

The news was not good. The Phitians were closing in on Rome’s lifelines—grain from the north, salt from the mines, and trade along the coast. Without these, Rome’s legions wouldn’t march, its cities wouldn’t eat, and its people would face starvation and chaos.

Lucius asked Laurentius to find Mantius, the main military leader of the Roman army, who had replaced Acasius.

Inside, Marcus studied the map, his hand hovering over the grain routes. "They’ll strike here first. If they cut off the grain or seize the salt mines, the people will feel it within days. We can’t protect everything. Where do we hold?"

Lucius stepped forward, scanning the map. "The coast. Without trade, we can’t resupply at all."

Marcus nodded sharply. "And the salt mines?"

"Decoys," Lucius said, thinking aloud. "We let them believe we’re prioritizing the mines while fortifying the coast and the grain routes."

Mantius pointed to the passes. "If we control the high ground here, they’ll walk into a trap."

Lucius’s jaw tightened. "It’s not perfect, but it gives us a chance to keep the people fed."

He walked over to Laurentius at the door. "Could you please send a message to the local governors that I need to speak with them?" Laurentius nodded.

---

The next two weeks, Lucius spent preparing for battle and training his men. He and Geta slept mostly in separate beds, as Lucius often worked late into the night and Geta needed his undisturbed sleep. But when Geta’s nightmares became severe, Lucius would come to his bedside, rub his back, and whisper to him until his breathing calmed.

Sometimes his eyes would drift down to Geta’s full lips, wondering what it would feel like to kiss them, to slowly part them with his tongue. But he would quickly push those thoughts away. There was still a shyness between them—something Lucius wasn’t willing to break away from just because of impatience. What they had was delicate and precious, and he wanted to savor it. Savor him.

The evening before his departure, he went to find Geta. His horse had been readied, his men were prepared and had been spoken to. Geta put his hands on Lucius’ shoulders. "You will come back to me soon." It was a demand, not a question.

"I will come back to you, soon," Lucius nodded in agreement. "Remember what I told you. Be safe, ask for help."

Geta nodded. He was cold; the evening air left a wave of goosebumps on his arms.

Lucius sighed, feeling more reluctant than ever to leave.

"Lucius?" Marcus was standing at the gate, fully dressed in golden armor. He was too old to go to battle but had refused to stay behind. Lucius nodded at him before returning to Geta.

They just stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

"Okay, goodbye then," Lucius said after a moment.

Geta nodded. "Goodbye," he said, looking over Lucius' shoulder to Marcus, who had stepped outside. Lucius could hear Geta breathe in before he bent forward and pressed his lips to Lucius' mouth. It was a simple, understated kiss—a promise. Geta grinned when he pulled back, his big eyes devoid of any shyness.

"Now go, you fool. Don’t make them wait."

Lucius nodded and turned on his heel, walking toward his horse.

"Strength and honor!" Geta called after him.

Lucius looked over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth curling up. "Strength and honor."

Please let me know what you think in the comments!

Taglist: @potato1d-blog1, @joan2914

[scartale-an-undertale-au]

yeah, you're absolutely wrong about the syria part.

our agreement with syria was with the previous government, and only with assad's government. literally the moment the regime fell, so did the agreement. that's why the un peacekeepers left at first, cuz their job became obsolete. that's also why we took over the syrian side of the hermon mount, so that we could keep the buffer zone operational and secure.

also, the rebel's leader - Ahmed Hussein al-Sharaa, or 'Abu Muhammad Al Jolani' (golan in arabic), which is a name he adopted - is backed by Erdogan (the president of turkey), who is vocal about planning on recreating the ottoman empire, and that includes conquering israel. the rebels' group is HTS (Hay'at Tahrir al-Sham), that transliterates to 'the movement to free the levant'... yeah, you can see why their intentions don't sound so pure. all of that and Al Jolani is also a former Al Qaeda terrorist. the doubts are easily piling up.

now, the made up some story about israel 'planning to invade syria'.

(using an iranian source, so you won't feel i'm using 'israeli propaganda')

there was no 'plan' to invade syria. israel pretty much was not thinking of syria as much as it could while dealing with iranian proxies trying to destroy it.

(used alquds, which propals love quoting even when they lie through their teeth.) al jolani knows what words to use basically to lower people's guards. now is he being sincere here? who knows, but words aren't proof, actions are.

and here are the actions:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2025/01/01/syria-assad-alawites-hts-rebels-violence/

(the israeli perspective, especially after the former sources i brought showcasing the actions contrasting his words)

so israel looked at the aftermath of the syrian civil war, realized who Al Jolani is, knew of the ammunition bases Assad had, and realized that it would be a huge disaster if the rebels would manage to get a hold of them and suddenly decide to throw away whatever 'good faith' they had (which was incredibly likely). so israel executed a pre-emtive strike to take out all of the ammunition that could be used against her. and took over the buffer zone so that she could protect herself in case of an invasion since there's no outside forces (bar the un, and they had truly shown to... really care about israel's security *sarcasm*) to enforce the buffer zone.

so while israel can be criticized about entering syrian's territory and destroying it's military's capacity (for example, was it too excessive? had israel lost all possible trust for its neighbors and what could it spell for future peace talks? etc), it was not unprovoked or unnecessary. do remember that this is after over a year of iranian proxies attacking israel and israel being accused of a plethora of war crimes simply for defending itself. so israel figured it's better to apologize for doing so rather than regret not doing so.

so while i appreciate you showcasing criticism of israel without , i wanted to make sure that you understood what the actual criticism should be about, and not simply that israel 'violated' the agreement and 'invaded' syria. that's also why you must check first all the facts and the reality on the ground before forming your criticism.

p.s. the moment we took over the druze villages in syria, they came to us, requesting to be under israeli's control and unite with their families in israel

https://www.tumblr.com/xclowniex/771654617505398784/its-really-weird-in-when-leftists-in-general-but?source=share

The vast majority of Queer people are completely disgusted and appalled by pedophiles, the vast majority of Israelis either support what's happening to Palestinians or act stupid and shift the conversation to anti-semitism because they can't stand the idea of not being the victims, its not comparable at all because you will never see a gay pedophile trying to gaslight you into thinking that they're equally as much of a victim as the kid they molested or that you're homophobic if you feel sympathy for them.

Except this is where you are wrong and engaging in exactly the same type of rhetoric I was speaking about the post.

It's always really funny when you make a post about a general rhetoric and then someone goes "no you're wrong" whilst being the exact type of person you're talking about.

Because the thing is, most Israelis do not want to settle Gaza.

And when the topic does get "shifted to antisemitism" it's not being shifted by the Israeli or jew, but by the non jew being antisemitic.

There are ways in which you can and should criticize the Israeli government, and then there is antisemitic masked as criticism of Israel. There is very much a line, and pepple do cross it. If a whole bunch of Israelis and jews are telling you that you have crossed that line, then you've crossed the line. You shouldn't be looking at non jews for guidance on what is and isn't antisemitic, you should be listening to jews.

And also, I have seen queer pedophiles try to gaslight people into thinking pedophilia is okay. I forgot her name but there is this queer woman who bought a castle somewhere in Europe who is also a furry who uses that exact argument to justify her pedophilia. But just like the whole point of that post is, it is a very small minority of queer people who think like that, so therefore does not represent queer people.

But of course it is far more convenient for you to instead ignore the point and continue to belive that a minority of Israelis must represent all israelis as doubling down when your opinion is challenged is far easier than stepping back and reexamining your beliefs.

[forbebeandjam]

New Year Love | Bada Lee x Fem Reader | fluff

Summary: the young and famous dancer decided to have a new life with you by her side.

Word count: 1.3k

Fluff and some angst (just a little bit)

A/N: sorry I didn’t post this sooner. I had been trying to get my life together before I have to go back to work. I usually have to make sure what I’m writing isn’t rushed but anyway! Hope you like this 🤍

~

"Get the fuck out of my house! All you do is cause trouble anyway," Your mom said as she threw your things out of the house.

The reason behind her actions began when you decided to join a dance studio to learn dance. That had always been your dream. However, you couldn't afford it. You were only eighteen years old and you had gotten fired from your job.

It's not like it was your fault. You were trying to balance your studies, two jobs, and taking care of your little sister. Your parents lived off you and you hated it, but you loved your sister so you put up with it.

Until you had enough. You told your mom how tired you were of having to choose between, work, school, and your sister. You told her you wanted to go to school and dance and she... she laughed.

You didn't expect more from her and then she threw you out of the house. With nowhere to go and teary eyes, you picked up your things, shoved them in your bag, and walked to your school.

You sat on a bench near the entrance and hugged your body tightly. December 31st never felt so lonely and cold as that night. Then you felt someone sit next to you.

You froze in terror thinking it was probably a creepy man or a guy from school that came to mess with you when a light turned on. Then you saw her face and you were too shocked to say anything.

"What brings you here?" She said as she sniffled and dusted the snow off her coat. You furrowed your brows in confusion. Bada. Lee Bada was talking to you. The same girl who was in your class for years but never acknowledged you. The girl who everyone praised for being on TV several times because of her amazing choreographies.

"Cat got your tongue? Come on Y/N. You're usually so talkative around Dami. Why not with me?" She said with a small chuckle. Then you caught a glimpse of her eyes. Red and puffy. She had been crying and she just needed someone to talk to.

"Well, I guess this isn't the perfect place to spend New Year's but, it's better than the place I used to call home," she shrugged and hugged yourself a bit more trying to hide your coldness from her.

"Did you feel out of place too?" You asked again. You could feel droplets of sweat dripping down your forehead.

"Yeah... people rarely see me for who I am nowadays. They all focus on my future and fame. I can't have one moment to myself and when I do, I hear the whispers of people talking about how they can take advantage of my name. It's very lonely," she said and her shoulders relaxed a bit.

"Wouldn't it be nice to run away to a place where no one can mess with your peace? That's my New Year's resolution. Move away from my parents," there was a small pause after she finished her words.

"What about you, Y/N?" She said and tired to you.

"Gosh... you're freezing," she said and placed her coat around your shoulders. She zipped it up carefully and her hand graced your face. She flinched and her eyes were filled with worry.

"You're burning up. I need to get you to a hospital," she said. You could barely open your eyes but you managed to tell her you couldn't afford it.

"Don't worry about that. We need to go now. Get on," she crouched down in front of you and you weakly got in her back. She picked up your things and began walking to the street to look for a cab.

Once you were in the hospital you seemed to have lost consciousness. When you woke up it was daytime. The light of the room was shining on your eyes and you groaned. Your throat felt itchy and you had a headache.

"Happy New Year, Y/N," Bada said as she entered the room.

"Bada, what are you doing here?" You asked.

"I tried to contact your family. They cursed at me and told me you were dead to them... I'm sorry," she said as she placed food in front of you.

"If you pity me because of the rumors running around school, drop the act. I hate when people pity me. I'll manage on my own," you told her and looked away as your eyes filled with tears.

But the tall girl didn't leave. She sat next to you. You didn't dare to look at her. It was the only time someone gave you attention without having to ask for it.

"You still don't get it.." she said.

"Get what?" You asked, feeling curious about her words.

"I've always wondered why you were so distant. How can your pretty eyes can carry so much love and so much pain at the same time? How can you always be awake despite all of the things you do in a day?" She said.

"How do you-"

"I've been watching you. Ever since you transferred to this school I thought you seemed pretty cool. I wanted to be your friend so bad but you never seemed to care about anything other than your school work. After hearing the rumors about you, I knew your life was pretty difficult and I didn't want to make things harder for you so I decided to stay away from you," she paused.

You couldn't believe it. All of the things Bada just said were spinning in your head. You tried to make sense of them but you couldn't. There was no way Bada, The Bada Lee, wanted to be your friend.

"You... Why? Why did someone like you even acknowledge someone like me? People try to stay away from me because of my parents. They think I am like them. You never once thought of me as someone like that?" you asked still in disbelief.

"Never. I knew that you had a hard life and that you didn't deserve it. And I knew what your eyes were hiding. I'm sorry I didn't try to approach you and sprinkle a bit of happiness when you needed it,"

"I don't know what to say. It's gonna take time for me to heal but... I'd really love for you to stick around," you responded not looking at her eyes.

You felt a warmth around your hand realizing that it was her hand.

"I'll never leave you. Never," she said and you finally looked at her. That smile. That sweet sweet smile of hers just made it 100 times clearer. You never wanted to be away from Bada.

(A year later)

And there you were. After she finished school, you two went to live in a different city. You were both thriving with success and you moved in together. Just the two of you in your shared apartment as roommates.

It was evident that the two of you had fallen for each other but neither dared to say a thing. How could you ruin something so perfect with such a vague feeling?

So you say at the dinner table looking out of the window to see all the pretty fireworks. You leaned your head on her shoulder and she hugged you tightly.

"Happy New Year, my love," she said. You lifted your head and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Did you..."

"Call you, my love? I did. I want everything with you. I want to kiss you and hug you and help you heal. I want to give you the world and care for you. I want to spend my New Year's with you like this. So, please say yes and be mine?" She said as tears filled her eyes.

You didn't say anything but launched yourself into her arms and kissed her. Softly, then passionately.

You couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Something so painful as that night turned into something beautiful in the course of a year and you swore that was all you needed to be happy.

You couldn't wait for a lifetime of love and happiness next to Bada.

Thank you for reading 🩵

[chiaknight]

Thinking about Britt during this dark time and how she helped one of Awdry's great characters, Henry, become fantastic in the span of one episode- Henry's Forest.

Henry has a great backstory, but in terms of personality he wasn't exactly unique in the RWS- which is what most of his classic era appearances are directly based on. However, I like to believe that Britt and David teased their take on Henry a few times very subtly.

These screencaps are from Tenders and Turntables and Dirty Work. In the first scene, Gordon is delegating his plan for the strike. In the second, the big three are complaining about the names Duck supposedly called them.

I just find it interesting that they specifically chose his sad faceplate for these moments, as it implies that instead of being angry or combative like Gordon and James, Henry feels more unsure, hurt, or self-conscious. They are brief, but in my eyes these were showing Henry's sensitive side before Henry's Forest was ever written.

But then, of course, season three came along, and so did Henry's Forest.

This episode is so beloved because it creatively expands Henry's character in a way that fits Awdry's writing for him.

It always bothered me how Henry as a person never changed after the Flying Kipper, which was more or less a potential near-death experience for him. But Henry gaining an appreciation for life, for the natural beauty all around him makes perfect sense.

They also gave Henry the role we all know he has: the "nicest" of the Big Three. He has his grumpy moments, but overall he is agreeable, hardworking, and obedient to the Fat Controller.

He also doesn't subscribe to the "won't pull trucks/little engines are inferior" ideology- at least, not anymore. Not since the crash. And why should he? Ever since that day, Henry learned that there is so much more to life. He won't be around forever, so there's no sense in wasting time fussing over stupid things like that. He'd rather focus on being a good engine, 'cause now he finally has the chance to do that.

This kind of reimagining suits Awdry's writing for the character perfectly, as surely such a drastic change in Henry's life would cause him to see the world in new way. Cause him to become more aware of the world around him, more sensitive to the people and engines around him, more comfortable with who he is.

It's a shame that Awdry didn't really care much for Henry's Forest, because what Britt and David did for his character propelled Henry, my favorite character, to new heights.

Rest in Peace, Britt.

Thank you. For everything.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Merchant, what are some headcanons you have about silentlily/mystic cacao? (Aside from the ones we alr have, which I’m rlly grateful for btw🧚‍♀️) maybe even a small fic with one of these ships(I’m definitely not STARVED of content of these guys)

Do you think they have a change at redemption, and if so, would they be together with their respective ancients?

Also just so you know I got converted into the burning cheese cult the day I read your first ao3 fic about the ship, I was amazed by the writing and was craving for more, actually I’m the person named “cracker” that commented on your fics.

Thanks for feeding us with your amazing ideas 🙏🙏

CRACKER??? IS THAT REALLY YOU???

I'm so happy to hear from you again 😭😭😭 where have you been, I've missed you and your comments on my fics 😭😭😭 I love chatting with you man, it's so nice that you found me here

While I can't provide any fics right this second (my fic backlog is HUGE; for multiple stories/AUs/ships, not just BurningCheese. First one in line is a BurningCheese fic I've been sitting on for 2 months+ now. First chapter coming to AO3 soon (as in... tomorrow 👀)), I can provide headcanons at the very least. 3 each, for my old buddy 🫵❤️

Silent Salt never, ever takes off his helm. He is deeply uncomfortable showing his face to anyone, even his friends (it took them forever to learn what he looks like, even after literal years of friendship). The fact that he is not only willing to show his face to White Lily, but let her touch and remove his helm herself (that is HUGE), is a true testament to how much he trusts and cares for her

Silent Salt loves White Lily's hair. He thinks it's absolutely beautiful. She taught him how she braids it so he can do it for her, which he does every so often

I hc Silent Salt as being completely mute (like, he can't make any noise at all. As if he has no vocal cords, period. You can hear him breathing and that's it) and primarily using movement/body language to communicate his thoughts and feelings (and sign language as well, although he uses that to carry on longer and more articulate conversations). White Lily took the time to teach herself sign language so she could understand and communicate with him better, which he finds deeply touching as very, very few people have ever done that for him or anything nice at all really. Letting my personal characterization of + backstory for him slip a little here haha

While Dark Cacao and Mystic Flour are not particularly romantic (it's just not really who they are, nothing to do with not liking each other), they will both still make little gestures for each other. They take care to make each other's favorite tea, just how they like it. Flour will tuck stray strands of Cacao's hair back behind his ears when she notices them (and she always does. She pays closer attention to his face than anyone realizes). Cacao always asks Flour how her day has been, or if something is bothering her (he, too, is attentive to her face and facial expressions, and does notice subtle changes (which is also huge bc Flour wears the same damn face almost all the time lol)). Small things that actually mean quite a lot, because they stem from genuine love that does not need words or grand gestures to make itself known and understood

They are very polite and patient with one another, even when they're disagreeing (or even arguing). They will never talk over each other; they wait until the other has finished saying what they have to say before they respond. They feel a deep mutual respect for one another as individuals and try to maintain this, regardless of how tense their interactions may become

They sometimes exchange keepsakes unique to their cultures, as tokens of affection to hold onto and admire while they're apart. Scrolls, paintings, idols. Small things not really meant to take up space; just things that turn their heads or draw their eyes over for a moment and make them smile when they walk past them in the palace/Ivory Pagoda

Really makes me smile to see you again, dude. You really were there since day 1 and I'm grateful. And I'm glad I convinced you to ship BurningCheese in the first place! You and everyone else honestly 😂 it's both awesome and hilarious how many people have come to me saying I converted them to the ship. I feel I like I'm amassing a private militia lol. Gonna murder all other ships involving either character in their sleep. Gonna storm Devsis HQ and seize control of the writers' room. Gonna hoard nuclear weapons and take over the world

I hope you enjoy the stories I've written on here as well! They're mostly wholesome because as fun as Yandere Spice is, I genuinely do ship Burning Spice with Golden Cheese and want them to be happy and healthy, which is why I mainly prescribe them a slow burn romance + slow burn redemption arc for Spice lmao (they're all tagged #merchant shorts for ease of access. There are 9 in total I think. With more in the oven, because I keep forgetting to put my imagination on a leash most of the time. Trying to slowly work my way up to their wedding) I also hope you like the fan babies 👉👈 I put a lot of time and effort into creating them (please ignore my lack of artistic talent, I will improve eventually. Hopefully. I make up for it with my writing in the meantime), they're my little blorbo grandchildren

(As for that other question of yours... In my main canon + my Reformed Beasts AU (which... are kind of the same ngl lmao), yes, Flour and Salt can change. Any bad person can change their ways if only they cared enough to do so. It takes time and great effort, but eventually, they both turn over a new leaf, as all the Beasts do. As for whether or not they get together with their Ancients... wait and see. I like SilentLily and MysticCacao, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll happen. You'll find out as I dump more stupid lore on here lol)

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 5

it really was a coincidence that you already had his number saved in your phone when he texted you.

jack: hey

one of your best friends, jenny, had another friend who came along with you all that night. she was a loud woman with blonde curls called anna and she was, you had now learned, engaged to a hockey player in the local nhl team. you'd never cared much for sports in general, and especially not hockey. anna was quick to catch up on that fact the morning after you met jack, when you were supposed to go out for brunch with jenny and anna happened to tag along.

the boy you were chatting to last night, jack, she had started, sipping her orange juice before continuing. you did get his name, right? he's a good friend of my fiancé, a great player too.

you had thought and hoped that she would be able to read from your uninterested expression that you wished for the conversation to end as soon as it started. however, she had not been the quickest to pick up on your hints.

i've never seen jack look at someone like that before, you should totally hit him up! he's single, you know.

you'd sure hope so, considering the things you were up to in his apartment.

you had told anna that you didn't want anything to do with him, but she had insisted; at least save his number, you never know!

jenny had agreed, going off for a moment about your (empty) love life and how you haven't really looked happy since you broke up with that boyfriend over a year ago. the whole conversation had made you nauseous, and you had eventually agreed to add his number to your contacts just to shut them up.

since then, you'd forgotten about it, until the moment he texted you. you spent about fifteen minutes trying to figure out some kind of response – what even do you say to "hey"?

you: how did you get my number? lol

you felt a little guilty right after sending it, the tone maybe a little harsh; you usually greeted people back when they texted you. but maybe it was for the best. you didn't want him to get any false hopes.

your phone pinged again just a minute later.

jack: from anna! she said you two talked abt me, that i should hit you up

jack: well, i WANTED to hit you up also. :)

it kind of scared you how quick your heart was to flutter in your chest. this was not supposed to happen. before you could even answer, yet another message appeared in the chat.

jack: you free for dinner tonight?

a man not afraid of a triple text should've excited you. instead you shook your head and typed a quick response.

you: dinner?...

jack: i want to take you out for dinner, is that okay?

you shouldn't even have considered it. you never before even considered meeting a one-night-stand again, especially not for dinner. maybe it was because the other part was never interested in it, maybe it was because you thought it was against all and any code of conduct. either way, it was just easier like that.

so why did your fingers suddenly live a life of their own? why was there a message from you saying yes to his request when you looked back down at your phone again?

he surprised you that night. you knew from the first time you met that he was a good listener – though, you had assumed it was just because he was trying to woo you enough to go home with him – but he was a great talker, too. not in the sense that he talked a lot, but in the sense that whenever he did talk, you found yourself realizing he was more complicated than you initially thought. he wasn't just trying to win you over; he was trying to let you see him, piece by piece, each one carefully chosen.

you didn't know what the procedures or rules were when it came to this kind of meeting. was it a date? was it just a pre-hookup meal? was it something more? nonetheless, you weren't surprised that the dinner ended with you following him home to his apartment.

he wasn't just good at listening and talking, but at making you feel good, too. you knew you were already walking on the fine line between a regular hookup and something else – not that you were sure what the other thing would be. friends with benefits (could you even be friends with benefits if you weren't friends to start with?), fuck buddies (is there even such a thing these days?), or something completely different?

curled up into his side with a duvet lazily thrown across your stomach, you distracted yourself from your many thoughts by drawing shapes into his chest. little stars, quirky stick figures, ugly cats. "something on your mind?" he asked, a chuckle rumbling beneath his chest at the sight of you cuddling closer to him.

"this... hockey thing," you started, gazing up at him for the first time in a long while. "you're pretty good, aren't you?"

there was a shrug of his shoulder, though his expression stayed plain. "i guess so."

"you have your own wikipedia page. and you were some kind of first pick, whatever that means." this, however, forced his lips into a grin. "that's not just pretty good. that's amazing."

"i guess so."

he yelped at the feeling of your hand slapping his chest, a groan slipping past his lips. "why didn't you tell me? when we first met?"

"you didn't seem like you cared," he said honestly, and you pushed yourself up a little on the bed to look at him better. "so i didn't think it was necessary. besides, it's a job like any other."

"i told you all about my studies, and you just said that you work with hockey!" you exclaimed, fingers forming quotation marks in the air. "that's hardly fair, and it's not a common job!"

"i was wearing a team cap! i assumed that if you knew, you'd say something!"

you merely shook your head, pausing for a few moments to just stare at him. "i'll forgive you for now," you say, puckering your lips. "for the low price of five kisses."

"taken."

the thing that surprised you the most was how much you enjoyed spending time with him, how easy it felt. he was handsome and had a sweet smile and he was a great lover, sure, but you still hadn't expected to have this good of a time with him. it was almost enough to make you spend the night.

almost.

[eternalera]

so people have been wondering why caitvi is a lot less popular now within the arcane fandom than ships with timebomb or jayvik and as someone who ships them let me explain mostly why this is happening, of course mostly from the writing perspective as there is likely some misogyny included in said reason but thats just what ive heard and not seen (this does NOT mean it isnt happening though). and im also not including it because im just addressing why even some caitvi shippers (that i know) ended up not caring for it in s2

(click read more because this... this is a long one)

first off im stating that this is just a combination of what ive seen from other people and my own opinions. in your opinion these points can be completely dogshit and thats okay because they're opinions. not fact. with that being said lets get started.

1. Tension, s2 act 2 kills almost ALL of the tension that the first act sets up. in the first act you have them getting together, you have them finally kissing and breaking the previous tension in s1 then to keep people interested in the ship in the same episode they have them breakup. and this works people talked a SHIT ton about this and were going feral over it, looking at the trailer and seeing 'oh look at emo vi and her dictator gf!!' and even the 'there are two ways to handle a gay break up' memes. it was all over.

people were feral, waiting for the next act to see them interact and have beef with each other (before inevitably getting back together because we all knew it would happen). but in act two we dont really get that. we get the aftermath from vi's perspective and kinda cait's???? but then we have their interaction and people are hyped at this moment. because this is the moment. the one that they were all waiting for and there's a small scuffle before... it stops.

vi calls cait cupcake and... all if forgiven rather quickly in that scene (obviously in act 3 they have some more drama but we'll talk about it later). they have their moment and its cute. you have cait folding after being called cupcake, its cute. but thats just the thing. its nothing else but cute. there are still stakes dont get me wrong but that moment is just... so bad for cait's character. she has the whole dictator arc and it just takes vi calling her a pet name for her to switch sides.

and yes its adorable, its everything you want in a ship. but it doesnt really make sense when you take in account everything that they've been building up for cait. her dictator arc, her gassing zaun, training with ambessa, losing her mother, breaking up with vi. it all seems undermined by vi calling her a petname and all of the sudden the tension is taken out of their relationship.

they get back together (sorta) and help plan to take down ambessa and that's all it took. its like having a really evil villain who did a ton of bad things but the good guy gives them a pep talk (vi doesnt even do that) and all of the sudden their mind changes completely

it's not realistic, it doesn't make sense.

then you have act 3 and where vi actually confronts cait about ambessa and her going along with her actions and they have a small argument thats kinda just resolved by cait saying that she knows what she did wrong and that she tried helping jinx not get arrested too and then BAM there's a shift in the argument and then we're back to jinx and it never gets brought up again (correct me if im wrong)

their relationship follows this, happy moment, create something that causes tension, build up tension, refuse to follow through.

its like its tightening a string on an instrument to get a tone but before you pluck it the string loosens and all of the sudden you get this really really dull and kinda disgusting sound that doesn't leave you feeling 100% satisfied in the end

or if you're an artist almost filling in a circle completely but at the last second you color just a little bit outside the lines. it's not satisfying.

2. The sex scene, this is just mostly stuff ive seen and while i dont agree with all of it i must say that they do have their valid points of thinking that the scene was a little misplaced. most of the complaints of seen of this is that vi was out of character and that she should've been looking for jinx since it was implied that jinx was going to kill herself to 'fix' everything. and while i dont think vi couldve really known this i do see where theyre coming from as vi is inherently protective of jinx and her actions and even if there was the slightest chance that she might harm herself vi would do anything in her power to stop it and... she just doesnt.

when cait unlocks the cell she doesnt rush out to jinx, she just wallows a bit longer and mopes (WHICH IS FUCKING VALID BTW). then you have cait talk to her and... SEX. yeah there is other stuff between that but some people felt that they shouldve had them have their talk and then had vi rush out to help jinx.

a lot of people also felt that cait was taking advantage of vi in this moment (i do NOT agree with this at all) to an emotional extent and saying how the scene didnt feel right because vi wasnt in her best state (i agree slightly with this) and that the sex in the cell wasnt really reclaiming anything from all those years of being in the cell like the directors originally intended it to

then you have people saying that it was misplaced (and i kinda agree) and that it just felt so sudden for the both of them especially considering everything with them and then there's the next reason...

3. Caitlyn herself, there was so much drama about her character. in the first arc you have people defending her actions and who were ready to die for her and people getting mad at her, saying she was the worst and that she didnt deserve vi after what she did to her. this also comes with her character being set up to do a lot of evil shit in the future. there was drama (when is there not) and that meant the majority of people loved or hated her with a slim minority not really caring her for at all.

she was implied to have gassed zaun (actually its not even really implied as she, vi, and the gang do it that one episode in a montage and they actually show them doing it for like... a scene or two) and overall just have been a really shitty person to zaunites. she slept with maddie (which people HATED) and they kept leading up to her being the big bad the person who vi would have to convince but once again... they meet and all tension is ruined.

cait's character is one of the best and worst things in arcane. they did such a good job setting her up only to fumble last second and yeah... thats enough to effectively kill a ship as one half of it is the other character (assuming is a monogamy ofc) and 50% is not passing. people arent going to be as committed to a ship when they hate the other character in it and thats just a fact

4. Time, it just... didnt work. timebomb got a full episode (practically) devoted to it and jayvik was kinda in there as crumbs. not to mention that their entire arc is sprinkled a lot more effectively and more long lasting throughout s2 of arcane. with timebomb THEY GOT A WHOLE EPISODE

people already like both characters of ekko and jinx so yeah theyre going to go feral over what coudlve been. the dance, everything and it effectively builds up tension with showing us how good everything couldve been and fully releases it in a satissfying way with ekko's leave. with jayvik you have him going insane and realizing that he has to kill viktor in order to stop what happens in the future (GIVING US THE ANSWER TO WHAT HAPPENED IN EP6 and this also gives us more tension in the relationship when viktor comes back).

you have ekko stopping jinx from ending her life (another reason people didnt like the sex scene cause jinx was actively trynna off herself during it) and telling her to give living another chance because you can build something more you can start again. and you also have the implications of them drawing on themselves in the artbook and just in general during the show. you have the hot air balloon contraption that they create. its everything

jayce then meets with viktor in the room and there is tension so much tension and it all goes to them. then you have jayce confronting and giving himself to viktor on the battlefield and its so well written. now, personally i have my issues with how jayce talk not jutsu-ed viktor into stop being evil or whatever (personally that scene was like a 6/10 for me). "BUT WAIT WHAT ABOUT YOUR COMPLAINTS WITH VI AND CAIT AND CAIT FOLDING AFTER BEING CALLED CUPCAKE?!?!" they would be lessened if we were shown them talking and discussing what happened, what went wrong. with them we dont do that, we dont get the release of them regretting what they've done, their actions. that declaration of love.

with jayvik we do (love can be interpreted as romantic or platonic) and they probably spend more time in that scene talking about each other and how much they care for one another than caitvi do in the entirety of s2 when it comes to discussing their relationship.

basically what happened was that the writers confirmed 'yes theyre canon now, nothing else is going to happen to them. okay time to focus on other things' and caitvi got sidelined SO HARD in the end that come people stopped caring for them entirely and put more attention to ships and dynamics that were getting more attention and love from the show.

basically thats all i could think of and its 1am so sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes lol. tell me if i got anything wrong, if you agree or just your general opinions on the matter because this is what i could find/gather about them. have a good day/night everybody :)

[pinkarsonist0]

Idea for a Hazbin Hotel rewrite:

BTW I renamed Vaggie to Valena, with Valli or Vana as her nickname in this, I actually have a few name ideas for her. First 2 are not mine.

Vannie

Vega

Valley ( I feel like if it wasn't a word, it could work as a name)

Vinnie

Vanna (Actually considering making this her actual name)

Vassie

I was actually gonna renamed her to Valine but 1. It sounded too much like Vaseline, 2. It's the name of an amino acid. It's better than naming someone after a private part, but I still think we should give her an actual name. Besides, googling the meaning of the name Valina made me switch it this, because it means strong and healthy. This suits Valena a lot imo

Here's her when she was an exorcist

Hated how the exorcists looked like an army for hell instead of heaven, so I made her exorcist design look more angelic. Also made her a knight because lady knights are rad.

In this mini rewrite, Valena is still a fallen angel. However, she still died.

I was scrolling through the hh critical tag and saw someone point out how Molly not being involved in the Mafia thing along with her father and brothers would make a little sense, because children in the Mafia are raised to be in the Mafia as well. However, Molly was sent to Heaven because she fought for good while in the Mafia. And after reading that I got the idea to rewrite Vaggie. Sadly I cannot find the og post.

Carmilla Carmine was her mother in human life, Carmilla was an assassin alongside her husband before he died while on a mission. Odette and Clara could not join the gang due to them not being old enough. However, they still helped their mother with her job in any way they could.

However, Valena was the only one directly involved. Valena instead fought for good and used her gang background to defend those in need.

All was fine, until Carmilla died due to a fight with a rival assissan group. Now, Valena had to support her sisters. In order to support her sisters, she entered prostitution and completely cut ties with her parents gang, it wasn't what she wanted, but it got her sisters food on the table.

Valena thought leaving the gang would be the end of everything, but the gang took this as a sign of betrayal and raided her home. Valena fights back in order to defend herself and her sisters, but she fails, and the gang takes her and her sisters lives.

Valena dies at the age of 30, protecting her sisters and is sent to Heaven.

However, even in death, Valena wanted to continue fighting evil. So, with enough training she was able to become an exorcist.

She spent years killing sinners alongside her fellow exorcist sisters. (In this rewrite I feel like it makes more sense to make Angels and the MorningStars the only people who have the ability to kill sinners) She felt as if she was still doing something good, she was continuing her legacy even in death.

But this takes a turn one extermination.

Flying high with her exorcist sisters, she spots three female sinners among the crowd.

Filled with pride, she offers to take care of them alone.

Angelic sword ready, she corners the three sinners.

Just when she is about to make her attack, she recognizes the sinners' features.

The sinners she was about to kill were her mother and sisters.

Valena knew her family wasn't perfect. She knew her mother wasn't the best person. But she can't help but feel shocked seeing them, let alone in Hell.

They were SINNERS.

She had been killing them for years. They had bad things in life, she was supposed to punish them!

Then why can't she make her attack?

Valena tries to fight the feeling, but seeing her mother and sisters is gluing her feet to the bloodied ground.

But, Valena isn't the only one who recognized them.

Carmilla and sisters know it's Valena.

With a shaky breath, Valena tells them to go. She couldn't stand seeing them now. Too painful to even look them in the eye. God was she pathetic...

Odette and Clara flee.

Yet Carmilla stood in front of her.

Expecting her mother to fight for trying to kill her and her daughters, she readies her weapon with shaking hands.

Instead, Carmilla isn't mad. She wants her daughter back.

In desperation, Carmilla tries to get her daughter back. Carmilla tries convincing Valena to come back to her and become a family again.

Unfortunately, Valena can't accept her mother's offer and tells Carmilla to flee.

Carmilla has no choice but to listen.

And Valena has no choice but to lose her family again.

Almost forgetting her surroundings, she feels someone pull on her arm from her behind with such force she thought her arm would be gone. Only to have Lute stare back at her.

Dialogue time yay :3

L: "What did you just do?! Go after them!"

V: "I-I can't-"

L: "Fine, you can't, then I will..."

Without saying another word, Lute flies away to track down Carmilla and her daughters.

Valena looks around, the extermination isn't over yet.

In a panic, Valena flies after Lute in hopes of protecting her family from Lute.

As Lute is searching, Valena knocks her down midair.

Dialogue time again:

L: "What's the matter with you?!"

V: "You can't kill those sinners, they're my family-!"

L: "Sinners are NOT your family, they stopped being your family once they were sent to Hell. If you can't wrap your head around that I'm afraid you won't be seeing Heaven anymore..."

V: "Go after some other sinners, just...Just leave them alone, please..."

L: "You said you wanted to fight against evil, what happened to that?"

Valena stays silent, but still refuses to go after them.

With one last glare, Lute pushes Valena to the ground and ripes out her wings.

Not only that, but Lute takes Valena's eye as a reminder of how she turned a blind eye to a sinner.

Lute flies away after another extermination, leaving Valena bleeding out and one-eyed.

At this point, Valena accepts her fate. She's nothing now.

No family.

No home.

No respect.

No friends.

Nothing.

So, Valena lays there in her own blood, hoping some cannibal will make her dinner.

But no, instead, the sinners that find her aren't cannibals looking for a meal.

But Odette, Clara and Carmilla.

Despite everything, her family came back to her.

Despite trying to kill them, they come for her...

Turns out, after the extermination, Odette claims to spot Valena. Her suspicion is only confirmed when they get closer.

Heartbroken to see her daughter like this, Carmilla can't help but try convincing Valena to come back to them. She wants her daughter back, even after spending years in Heaven killing sinners, she wants her baby girl back.

But Valena can't see what Carmilla sees. To Valena, she is undeserving of her getting her mother and sisters back. She doesn't deserve them back after everything she's done, for God's sake she tried killing them! If she hadn't recognized them, she would have killed them.

Filled with shame, Valena flees.

Carmilla can only stand with her girls and watch, accepting she just lost a daughter. Something she swore she'd never go through again.

Here's her post-exorcist design

I imagine winners keep their human appearance even in death, but I imagine in this rewrite, winners who become fallen angels lose their human appearance. Valena hair turns white, and her skin becomes gray. Valena still grows her wings back, but instead of angel wings, her wings come back as a moth. To symbolize her becoming one with hell and not feeling ashamed of her decision to not kill her mother and sisters.

Valena still ends up in the hotel and still ends up dating Charlie. I never liked the whole "mean lesbian who hates men" Trope, it just felt like an awful stereotype. She no longer hates men, but doesn't feel comfortable being alone with them due to her becoming a prostitute. She's still rough around the edges, grumpy and protective of her loved ones. I like to think she spends her days alone in the hotel library in her own space Charlie made for her. (Kind of like Amity Blight)

A lot people have been saying they dislike how it seems like Vaggie supports Charlie's idea not because she herself likes it but because it is CHARLIE'S idea. So I decided to fix that.

Valena supports Charlie's idea because she wants her mother and sisters to be redeemed. When Valena was still alive, Valena knew Carmilla never wanted to do what she did, but she pushed through in order to support her daughters. She was never proud of what she did. She made that clear. Valena knew her mother would want a second chance. She knew her mother and sisters would want a safer place to stay even in death. Even if she can't be right there with them, the least she can do is try indirectly helping them.

That's all I have for now, I'm getting really invested right now honestly. Having a fallen angel character would have been really cool, just wish it was written better within the show.